I miss you.

Chapter Twenty-Four: Love Crimes

No A/N. Enjoy.
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I looked at him shocked. I just played with violin charm on my bracelet. I looked at him and he looked anxious. He wanted me to say something but when he saw my expression it seemed as if he already knew my answer. 'I love you' necklaces always ends with a 'I love you too' not a 'you do?' Or a 'I don't really know who I love because I kinda love Chris still and you were kinda my best-friend now my boyfriend about three months ago' because who can fit that on a necklace.
He cleared his throat which snapped me out of my trance and my gaze at my sparkly heels. "Y-you don't have to." he gulped. "Love me back if you d-don't I-I understand." he said giving me a toothy smile.
"I just need time...it's not that I don't Like you that way.. Hell I like you way more than I expected." I paused. "You're perfect to me, you're my everything...but I just don't want to say I love you until Im sure of it" I said. "Trust me, I'd say I love you too..anytime it's just I have a lot on my mind." his gaze dropped to the floor and gave me a bummed look. "I wasn't leading you on or anything I really do like you." I paused. "Please d-don't hate me."
"I would never do something so stupid." he said hugging me tightly. "I understand, don't worry." he kissed my forehead and smiled at me. "How about that dance?"he said with one of those smiles that made me go asdfghjkl.
~~~
It was just another one of those cold feet dances where Justin just smiled whenever I looked at him. Then I got it. "You were never really a bad boy...we're you?"
He sighed, "I was, but you've changed me into the person I've always wanted to be, everything that doesn't make sense about me makes sense when I'm with you."
"You seem like a softie." I giggled.
"I can be tuff."
Magically, blurred lines came on. "I'll treat you like a jerk if that's what you want." he said sarcastically. "Come on kitty." he said with a wink.
There's my Justin boy. He sang in my ear as we danced the night away. "I don't care if you don't love me, cause I do and I'm not afraid to show it." he said. "You're all I ever wanted."
Instant smile.
"Why are you such a good person?"
"Ask my mommy." he said like a child which made me erupt with laughter.
Everything was perfect.
Or, so I thought.
"Kaylee, why do you even bother showing up to these things?"
Ashlyn.
I turned around and she had what looked like a Drunk Chrissy on her arm. "Ka-Kaywee." he burped. His hair was all messy and his pants were barley even buckled correctly.
She didn't.
But then, I saw the look on her face. She did. "Wh-what did you do to him?" I said.
"Nothing, you would care about because apparently you don't 'like him' remember?"
She wouldn't.
"What are you talking about?" Justin said laughing a confused laugh.
"Oh she didn't tell you, she was dating Chris and then he left, that's why she was so hurt. And apparently she was in love with him and that's why she doesn't love you! Hell she likes Chris way more, plus she likes boys with Hair." she chuckled.
Why.. I looked at him tears grazing my eyes as the crowd around us four enlarged. He was already crying. "It's true isn't it?" He said hurt.
"Justin you don't understand I-"
"You love Chris, don't you?"
"H-hey my names C-chris!" Chris slurred laughing. He was way out of it.
"I don't love him" I lied.
"Oh then I guess you won't mind if I do this." she said lunging her tongue down Chris throat. She burned her icy bitter lips against his soft ones. I just watched holding in the anger the embarrassment.
"Stop!" I yelled tears escaping from my tired eyes.
Everyone looked at me, astounded that I did care, that I did love him. I can't just un-love someone just because I'm Dating someone that does.
"I th-thought you cared.." Justin said seriously. His angry cocky tone back from the grave of bad boy-ness. "Your just like the others."
"A traitor, heartless time consuming emotionless girl whispering love crimes into my ear." he whispered into my ear. "Forget me, it's easy." he said fleeing my sight.
It was easy, I just left walked out being humiliated by the life I play.
"Gotta believe in something..." I trailed to myself.
----
I'm just so tired. Of all of this, this life it's just too much for me.
I hate living numb.
"Kaylee open the door!" My brother screamed outside my bedroom door. I unlocked it and brought my knees back up to my chest and sat there. No, I didn't cry. Tears don't define who's more sad or depressed. Depression is when you can't cry anymore, it's like drowning but everyone around you is breathing.
"Tell me what happened."
No.
I said it but the words didn't come out, then. A familiar silence came back to me. You're mute again aren't you? No. I don't want I be like this ever again just talk say something anything!
My lips didn't even part it felt like I was in a all night battle with myself I can't move talk or breathe, but force of habit after a minute in a half my nostrils took in more air because the selflessness of girl like me I must breathe I must have what I want. Why am I so selfish?
"Kaylee!" He said raising his voice which only made it worse I didn't feel anything but more hurt that the pathetic twit couldn't even respond to her own brother, a loved one someone who loved you in a way life couldn't explain.
The only difference between depression and death is breathing the cold thick air every three seconds.
"Kaylee, Please." he said as his tone softened.
He bang blabbering about how I shouldn't get back to the way I was and just be normal again and love everyone and forget about my problems and live life, funny thing is life is a problem.
---
I felt myself get a bit tired of his blabbering, he had been talking to me for what seemed like ages but just an hour. "I love you." he ended kissing my forehead walking out. I stripped myself from the dirtied dress and put on a black hoodie and pink pajama shorts. Then my problem walked in.
"Kayweeeeee." he said flopping of my bed. He was still drunk but less. I pointed to the door. "You want me to leave? Whyyyy? I'm your Chr-*burp*Chrissy I loveee you." he slurred.
"No, you don't." my voice came out cracking and it burned so bad I decided not to do it anymore.
"Kaylee, I love you so muchies." he said grinning like a creeper.
He's just drunk don't let it fool you. He will never remember, or ever love you. Let it go.
"Just go already!" I said voice cracking like crazy. Then tears poured from my eyes like a waterfall and I couldn't stop it.
I buried my face in my pillow and Got up walking toward my bathroom, but I was pushed against the wall "Chris!-" I couldn't finish because I felt my heart jump back to yesterday.
He smashed his warm soft lips onto mine, I missed them so much and it felt so good. I kissed back as an instinct him overreacting groaning everyone second.
It's wasn't the best kiss;
But, it will be my favorite of all. I pushed him off confused and he looked at me seriously, then he broke my hope. "I'm Your lipgloss! You know?" He said dancing around my room falling in the process. And then he made a puke face and ran out my room.
Baby, it's luck...not fate.
Good things only happen for people like me once. I locked my door and opened my drawer full of blades, I sighed I'm too good for this.
You kissed back;
You didn't even think about probably sobbing Justin because he feels like you don't like him, like he's a joke to you. You're a monster.
I'm actually not too good for this, I deserve to feel pain.
That is the only thing I will ever deserve.
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A/N:
Oh my gawdddd, kayleeeeeee no!
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ASDFGHJKL! Haha sorry I haven't been updating its just Ive been so busy with school and all that jazz but yeah I'll make a bet I'm updating every Saturday and Thursday. If I'm really busy ill only update on one of those days but I will update every week so be patient.
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