I miss you.

Chapter Twenty-Five: The Words I Never Said

A/N:

🚫Self harm🚫

👍Love👍

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I put on a long sleeve shirt and regretted what I had done to myself I don't like looking at those ugly scars on my arm, I don't deserve cruelty from myself. You could say I'm done I guess. I walked downstairs and I'm guessing no one was up considering that it was eight am on a Saturday. I took my keys from my cold granite counter and kept walking out the door.

When I arrived at CVS I went to the prescription area where they sold scar cream called 'Mederma'. It was twenty five dollars, but worth it. If I hadn't used this all the other times I would have still had the gashes in my poor arms.

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"W-where's Kaylee?" I heard a very sleepy Chris say from the hall while I was in my room. I was tubing the cream on my scars when my door cracked and I threw it across my room and rolled my sleeves back up. He had looked like a train hit him, everywhere, several times.....mostly his hair. "Hey.." He said sitting down at the edge of my bed. He was drinking orange juice. Stupid cup feeling all over his soft lips. That reminded me of when he kissed me last night, my lips got a good burning desire for his and they tingled, so I touched mine mistakenly. "You okay?" He said trying to start a conversation.

I thought there and thought for a long while was I okay? I mean usually when Im truly not okay is when my best friend asks if I'm okay and I break down in tears. "Fine." I whispered, my voice came out cracking like I hadn't talked for years.

"You know, me and Ashlyn Didn't have.." He paused seeing stress relive my face. "Sex." He said quietly. I didn't liked that word not the meaning. I just sat there quietly. I just have him an irritated look. "Actually, I-" he paused. My gulp loud and visible. "I, C-can't R-really remember b-because I don't really have a good m-memory"

"Try!" I yelled.

"I have!"

"Just stop."

"Kaylee, I'm sorry I've tried to remember what happened but I couldn't I can't remember anything." like are kiss. It was a Drunk kiss he didn't even mean it, that kiss made my heart quiver and my loneliness disappear, it made my world complete and he can't even remember. "Kaylee, please." he said reaching for my hand but I quickly pulled it away. Tears started to swell up in my eyes because I thought a horrible thought again.

"If you never remembered anything at all why did you come back?" I said.

"Why do you even care?"

"Stop avoiding my questions!"

"Stop being acting like a bitch!"

"What? Your the one who can't even remember what they did last night because they were too wasted and you think I'm not gonna' bitch about it?"

"Why does it matter what I do? You love Justin!" He said sarcastically.

No, I love you. I love you so much. I still do.

But the words didn't come out..

I was silent for at least a minute cold in thought until I came up with the biggest lie ever. "Your right I do love Justin I love him more than ill ever love a jerk like you!" I said. As soon as I said it I regretted it. By the look on his face I couldn't tell if he hated me or wanted to cry, either way he just sat there.

"Well.." He said, clearing his shaky throat. "I'm s-sorry." he said then he broke down crying right in front of me. I gasped as guilt washed over me I didn't know it would hurt him he doesn't even.