I miss you.

Chapter Thirty-Seven: Sunburn

A/N: I love you. Thanks. ❤
Song on the side.
God, I'm crying, I'm crying I'm crying. I'm crying second to last chapter guys. Stop, I can't deal.
Please. My heart is breaking someone save me.
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Kaylee Pov.
I felt the air rip through my lungs, I was shaking crying trying to understand what all of this means, what does any of this mean!
I just kept running, and running until my legs couldn't hold me anymore, so I laid there in the cold snow, wondering why I'm not dead yet. You see, something went wrong with that operation,
They won't tell me anything, but I fear the unknown. "God." I cried throwing up. I pulled at my hair looking all around me.
It was at least below three degrees, but I didn't care. I stopped caring four months ago, I give and give until there's nothing left and there nothing I can't do, so I take and take from myself hoping it'd make a difference.
But it doesn't make a difference, because nothing works that way.
I lay down face up, staring at the sky. From Dusk to dawn I've been here four weeks straight, I don't think I've showered in a week.
Did I mention I don't care? I don't care what happens to me at this point, can't I just stop? Why can't I just stop.
I heard swift movement and beaches cracking, I hadn't noticed I ran in some forest near the park. I just kept shaking, I couldn't feel anything anymore why can't I feel anything?
"Kaylee!" I looked up and a pair of brown eyes met mine, I hadn't noticed how beautiful they were until the moment, right here right now.
"I messed up. I mess everything up, why do I mess everything up?" I whispered to myself.
Chris crouched in front of me. "I-I-"
"I wish I were dying. You see, I want that. I want to die. I want to, really bad. Is that so hard to ask for?"
"Don't talk like that..."
I stood up banging my head against a tree until blood trickled down my Frozen face. "Stop trying to save me.." I whispered voice cracking. I looked up and tears were erupting from his eyes. He looked tired, you see sometimes I think all of this is a dream, and I'll wake up and I'd never known any of these people.
I shivered feeling dizzy. "I-I don't I just I-I need..I can't. I-I.." I mumbled crashing onto the ground.
Instead of talking to me or picking me up. He took off his coat and threw it deep into the forest and laid with me. "Maybe we do deserve it." He said clutching my hand.
After a while I couldn't tell if I were touching or holding anything, I Couldn't feel my arms or legs. "So if you die, right here. I'll die too, because I would've deserved to die. So I'll stop trying to save you, put you out of your misery. I'll just let you." He said looking over at me.
I closed my eyes. Slowly fading slowly, just falling endlessly.
And if there were a light at the end of a dark corridor it would be him.
If there was something I could feel or hold to it'd be Justin.
I still can hold him, and I know he'll hold me back.
I can still see the light because we all know tis there we just seise to admit the inevitable.
We can save these things, and keep them with us. You shouldn't just give up. To give up is definition of the weak.
I am a fighter.
I am strong.
And I am not giving up,
I snapped out of it when Chris stopped shaking, he wasn't sleeping he was just still. I'd sat up. "G-get up."
"No, just let me die."
"G-get up we have to go!" I said trying to yell but my voice was so hoarse it was barley audible.
"You see, that was just a trick, I was never going to let you die. Your not that selfish you'd wake up eventually."
"C-come on." I smiled.
I tried getting up but I couldn't move. "Fuck," I muttered. "I have to. I need to."
"I am strong, I am a fighter. I will not give up. I am tenacious. I will not let go." I whispered crawling up the hill. And Chris he was far behind me.
And so I crawled to that hospital. I crawled to the elevator. I crawled to room two fourteen. Then I stood up.
Refusing to let myself fall back down again.
I walked in that room, familiar faces surrounding me. People gasped. My shirt was stuck to my skin, as well as everything else I had on. But I didn't care. It seemed as if I were in church for the first time, they'd make a small pathway for the important one to walk.
This time I was the important one, the one person he relies on.
And I hated being that person, because that person hurts just as much as him.
Just as much as you.
I watched them part like the Red Sea, my lip quivering. I drowned out all the sounds of deep wails and shortened cries of help. I smiled tears falling down my cheeks. I pressed my lips tighter the saltiness form my tears invading my mouth.
You see, this happened almost every ten seconds. I wasn't even trying to cry, but the taste would come back and that reminded me that I was crying.
I didn't dare look down. I kept my head held high, higher than the twin towers right before they crashed and burned.
I looked at him, eyes barley open, breathing slowed, so pale like a little snow flake, his skin adding up two shades lighter than the snow on my shirt. I was standing in a puddle of my own tears and melted snow.
When those blue eyes landed on me and my heart skipped ten beats like it always did, my hands shook and my palms were sweaty. "Hey, Justin boy." I smiled coughing out a loud cry.
He looked at me scanning me up and down, eyes widening. "K-Kaylee are you okay! what happened?! you gotta get warm y-your so cold an an-"
He always did that, he was dying still more concerned about me. "I'm okay."
"Come here." He said pulling me down next to him on the bed. He struggled to wrap his arms around me and when he did his arms went limp on my shoulder.
"I-I I'm..I love you." I cried into his big grey sweatshirt.
"Don't talk to me like that, like I'm dying. I'm living because I'm with you."
I looked into those blue oceans, I would kiss him. But I'd didn't want to take his breath away.
Like before.
I've killed him and brought him to life twice.
It shouldn't be this way, but that's the reality of it. Falling in love, of course were falling. Me and Justin were going on a oneway trip, and now were just falling backwards.
Everything about love is utter bullshit, love is bitter. Love is stupid, love is so-
"Unfair.." He spoke chest vibrating. "Love is unfair..isn't it?"
"I said that out loud?"
"Whispering to yourself, you do that a lot."
"It is unfair. Totally unfair." I chuckled sadly.
His heart monitor started slowing, like one beat every ten seconds slow. I looked up at him concerned he was struggling to keep his eyes open now. "No." I whispered tears escaping freely.
"Shh. Please don't cry. I-I love you, and I love you, too." He said rubbing my belly. "I'm sorry, that daddy won't be there I'm so sorry." He whispered voice cracking now.
"No.." I whispered trying to hold in a sob. "Justin, please d-don't go."
His eyes opened a little bit more this time. Doctor Morrison was having a panic attack outside the room, we heard him screaming and yelling that it was his fault. He lifted his shaking hand and stroked my face.
"Y-your so beautiful."
It may have been, but what's done is done. But it isn't over yet.
"And so are you, you are s-so damn beautiful there aren't words to describe you."
He smiled sighing, I just cried harder in his arms. "I need you."
"I'm not gone just yet. C-can I ask you something though?"
I nodded into his shirt, listening to his heart beat. I only listened because that's what was keeping me alive, his simple existence was keeping me alive. "Kaylee Marshall Ashton. I know I waited to the very l-last moment but. Will you marry me?"
I cried harder now. "Yes, hell yes." I whispered choking on another sob.
"My bucket list is complete, I-I did everything I ever wanted accept for one."
He pulled me up looking into my eyes opening all the way this time.
"If this is the last breath I take, it'll be worth it. It will all worth it. Thank you for the good life Kaylee Marshall-Ashton."
And his lips were so warm on mine, and as if the stars and the moon decided to explode they did, and the moon does shine, the moon is a star.
A star that's what he is. And I love him so much. No, glimmer, nor glow. Just one little spark left.
He pulled away coughing violently. "And I love you so much.."
I knew that was it. I knew it was over.
"I love y-you more." I whispered. The beeping noise he stopped. I guess this meant it was over, that all of this was over.
I didn't try fighting it, I didn't try at all. I just let myself cave in.
I just let myself crash and burn, I let myself fall endlessly but I was alone.
Every grip and grasp was let go, I had nothing to hold to. I felt myself backing up, the lump in my throat increasing. I ran, I ran and ran until I reached a little balcony outside of room 312.
I run because I am pathetic, and I ran because I always run from my problems as if they won't exist tomorrow.
God forgive my sins.
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A/N:
Rebecca, autumn, Chelsea, Natalie and other readers. I am so fucking sorry. I know I suck go ahead, beat my butt.
I already miss him.