I miss you.

Chapter Twenty-Eight: She is love

<Justin's P.O.V>
----
"I didn't mean what I said, put me back on my medication."
"But Justin, you said you were leaving it in God's hands." My doctor said to me confusion on his face.
"I can't die. I have to live, please." I begged.
"As you wish." he said leaving the room.
She looked so beautiful in that dress she wore for spring formal. The way her eyes sparkled in the moonlight. I had understood then that I loved her. It wasn't just a good feeling. It was some type of hope that washed over me that made me love her. "I'm so, so sorry." I mumbled to myself.
It felt like forever, in a day since I saw her face.
We all have those days when we feel like love is just a word, we all have those days when were beaten down. But she takes it all for me.
No matter what happens.
No matter where I go, I can't help but hear hear voice or see her face because she was always there.
When I first met you.
In the fifth grade, I bet you can't even remember but I did. You were shy you simply were just beautiful, inside out and you never even saw it.
~Flash Back To Fifth Grade~
"Hi Class! We have a new student here today." Mrs.Bell huffed. I chuckled ignorantly and leaned back in my chair, probably some nerd.
"Say hello to Kaylee Ashton." she said guiding a girl in the room. I couldn't see her face because it was blasted by the dawn light but I could see her smile.
"H-Hi guys." she said waving slightly.
She sat her in the desk in front of me.
"Hey." I said tapping her back clearing my throat so that annoying cracking noise didn't come out like always.
She turned Around and she slipped a piece of her brownish blonde hair behind her ear nervously. "Hi there." she said.
She was.
Different.
~End of flashback~
And ever since that day, she made that fifth grade class a lot better, she brightened up everyone's class and made everyone smile. Even me, but I never told her my name. I wanted to be her friend, but I was far too shy. That year, I moved too. I had never see her after that till high school and when I saw her my eyes marveled about her face and her new developed figure, how beautiful she was words couldn't describe, but how beautiful she is will forever remain a mystery.
When she sat next to me it felt like fate, and ever since then she changed my life she turned it upside down and all around in a good way. I never wanted her to leave and when she did, she never left my heart.
I never noticed how deep I could be, I always hid it behind my emotions, and my hair that covered my eyes.
I wish it was still there. Just like my hair, today my emotions left as well.
I feel nothing, and that makes me hurt more than feeling something when I shouldn't be.
It's like your my drug, but I can't have you because your not good for me. Your like a separate sex, it's Kaylee. Not girls or women. It's just her, Im physically not attracted to anyone else because I love her so much I even hide it from myself sometimes.
This is bad.
I flipped my phone up and down in my hand. It's been a few weeks. Yet, I hadn't called. I felt like I didn't belong with her anymore. That I shouldn't even be around her. She said it herself. It's crazy how she's dating me and not Chris.
She doesn't even know I have Cancer. All the painful things I've admitted to her, there all gone now.
It seems as if when something really bad happens, what happened before was never there in the first place. For example.
When I got Cancer. I can't really remember not having cancer, it just seemed as if I was never healthy and all my life I was sick; because the past is gone and I call this talent in which I'm cursed with is living for the now.
When something good happens the bad was never there in the first place, like when I'm with Kaylee I even forget who I am sometimes because I act as if how I truly want to be in life when I'm with her. She molded me into a person that was loving and kind. Not violent and cruel.
Is it sad to say I love her more than Life itself?
I'd give it all up for her.
Would I still do it? Now that she barley knows my name would I still give it all up?
Of course.
You can't just un love someone. Yes it hurts, but it hurts a lot less.
I'm going to start over, sometimes love needs a second chance because it wasn't ready the first time around.
I stood to my feet finally, now that I wasn't so weak. I think I Might have paralyzed myself that day because I physically couldn't stand because I was so sad, they had to give me shots to keep me from screaming all night.
I felt the top of my head and got a bit surprised. I had hair, like almost a regular amount, almost. I had been using this medicated stuff for my hair but at least I could flip it now.
I put my beanie on and got dressed in black jeans and a tee shirt. I sneaked down stairs through the lobby and shuffled through the front door. The cold air hit me and it made me shiver, I really shouldn't be outside.
I picked up my phone and dialed my mom "hello?" I said voice cracking a bit.
"Justin! Hey how are you sweetie?"
I looked around trying to make up any word but fine, because I wasn't if I said that I would've been lying. "I'm cool." I said in response.
"So, do you need anything?" She said.
"Yeah, about that car... I need one, do you think you could send one that I could use for the day? Any one would be fine really" I rambled.
"Of course."
"Ok thanks a lot. Bye."
"No problem sweetie. Bye."
----
Next thing I knew I was in a Mercedes Benz. It was new, hasn't even been released in America yet. But wow. It was just so nice, people like me barley get nice things like this.
No I had to drive.
Which I hadn't done in a while.
I turned on the radio and it blasted loudly so I turned it down a bit, but I knew this song. 'Im Lucky I'm in love with my best friend, lucky to have been where I have been, lucky to be coming home again' the radio played.
I got the courage to drive down strawberry street, pull into her drive way and wait to get myself together.
I just couldn't stop crying, I wanted to refuse the face that any of this was happening.
Get it together Justin.
I walked to her front door and wobbled a bit, I was about to fall then Chris opened the front door and I caught my balance. "H-hey" I said sticking my hands in my pockets. Then I wobbled again and I fell in Kaylee's garden.
"Justin!" Chris said helping me up.
"I need to sit down." I said.
"No, you shouldn't be here you need to stay at the hospital you know your not slowed to leave."
"I missed Kaylee, so I had no choice."
"You could've just called."
"Oh, yeah..."
There was an awkward silence.
"Let just go inside then." Chris said helping me in the door.
And my eyes lit up, there she was so beautifully sitting on the couch. In my hoodie much to big for her, she didn't even know it was mine either. But, I still marveled at the fact in which her eyes danced with excitement as she patted a seat next to her on the couch. "Hey! Justin! You're here!" She said excitedly.
"Y-yeah hey." yet, she still had this affect on me where my heart would beat out of control, and I would get nervous jitters.
"Since your my boyfriend." she started which made Chris leave the room sadly. "We should go on a date. Start over ya' know?"
"Yeah sure."
"Are y-you okay?"
"I'm fine."
No I'm very, very, very, sad.
"Lets go to The movies and see Catching Fire! I watched the first one today and it so made me want to fall in love!" She paused as she blushed. "And then I thought of you."
My heart ached as my gaze grew more intense as I stared at her lips. You can't just say something like that and not expect me to want you, like I always do. "That's, really nice actually." ignoring the thoughts in my head fighting myself from leaning in and smashing my lips on her soft ones.
"Yeah, so why don't we leave?" She suggested.
---
"Ah this movie going to be amazing!" She said happily running in the movie theatre dragging me along.
I actually hated The Hunger Games because it was too sad and all the romance made me want to just....
Never mind it.
We paid for our tickets and walked to the concessions. She took my hand in her hand and my heart raced in my chest. I looked at her and she just looked away smiling.
"What do you want to get?" I said referring to the menu.
"Um... What's good?" She said nervously.
Oh yeah, she forgot.
"I'll share a popcorn with you and a slushie."
She just nodded in response. I paid for our stuff and she just walked next to me to put the butter on the popcorn. "Can I taste it?"
"Yeah." I said sliding the pop corn bag toward her.
She ate the popcorn happily she titled her head back and laughed. "This is so delicious." she said excitedly.
She really shouldn't do that. That pop corn was so lucky. I just wanted to smash my lips onto hers I don't know how long I can keep this up.
We kissed so much that I feel weird not doing it every ten seconds. Especially when she did something cute like that.
----
So she was freaking out because peeta died for like ten seconds.
Tears where streaming down her face in fear. This movie really was freaking her out. Then he took a breath and laughed and wiped her tears. Literately we were the only ones in the theatre.
Someone popped out in the movie and she screeched and jumped in my lap. I looked at her intensely, she looked at the screen and peeta and Katniss where making out on the beach.
She looked at me again. "Would you mind if I-" I cut her off and smashed my lips onto hers.
It was such a good feeling I think I might have died and came back to life.
She kissed back almost immediately, mine was slow and passionate but she kissed back More urgent. It was the type of kiss that was in the movies, all romantic in the rain. She surprised me every time she kissed me. Making my heart race in my chest.
I stopped kissing because I didn't think she would go any further than this. Plus I didn't want her to. Technically we just met. "Don't go." she whimpered.
My heart sped up. "Fine, fine." I said pulling her back into the kiss. She smiled again.
She stopped laughing then started popping more popcorn in her mouth.
"Did you know you smell like Strawberries?"
I chuckled softly. "Did you know you smell like peaches?"
"Did you know that your a really, really good boyfriend?"
I gulped. "You barely know me."
"But you know me, and I trust you..you make me happy." she said quietly.
"Well I won't be here forever so I should really tell you th-" she shushed me and laid me on my back lifting up the cup holder seat thing so it was like a couch. Then she laid onto of me making all the air escape from my lungs but making me chuckle as well.
"Sorry." she said awkwardly.
"I hope that wasn't intending to be sexy because it was utterly hilarious."
She laughed loudly making my chest vibrate. "So your telling me I'm not sexy?" She said turning to lay on her back on top of me. I wrapped my arms around her waist.
"Not necessarily it just..." I came closer to her neck and I felt a shiver go down her spine. "Your just silly sometimes, you don't have to try so hard if your already mine."
"Right.." She trailed. "So, what's your favorite color?"
"Green."
"And mine is?"
"Green, your favorite food is French fries, your first kiss was Chris, you like to dance, you always wanted to be a singer, and your favorite thing to do according to you diary is to hangout with me."
I felt her tense up. "Why can't I remember you?"
"Kaylee it's fine."
"No! It's not! I can't even remember anything about you!"
"Then why are you here? With me?"
"Because I trust you, and I want to be with you all the time and I don't know why." she said. "I just want to love you like I used to!" She said tears streaming down her face. "You know so much about me then I must have been so comfortable with you then why not n-now."
I brought her in my arms. "Don't cry, don't do that."
"I bet I loved you so much! You're so good to me."
I chuckled. "Actually, you didn't you said you didn't want to say I love you until you were sure of it which was just a nice way to say I don't love you."
She cried harder grasping my shirt. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! That was such bad move!"
Then she brought her knees to her chest scooting away from me. "I shouldn't have kissed you."
"I kissed you."
"But I was going to ask anyways."
I blushed. "It's fine. We're okay now."
"We're not, it's just I want to kiss you and hug you, lay with you be with you but I don't like you yet, but I know I will! I have to!"
"Shh. It's okay.."
::::::::::
So many freaking stereotypes. I dropped her off at her house and it was about eleven o'clock because we got dinner and basically got to know each other all night.
"So..." I said.
"Yeah..."
"Well, I hoped you had a good time and maybe you could come by the hospital some time to see me." I sighed. "Kaylee I really have to tell you something, I-"
She grabbed my shirt and kissed me sweetly. "Goodnight, Justin." she said walking into her house.
I've tried this twice today.
Ugh, why does she have to be so damn perfect?