When Can I Hear Your Voice?

Inner Thoughts -Jace

Every step I took was painful. Sitting in the car was terrible, I yelped every time the car went over even the slightest of bumps. Matt and I had sex. It wasn't like sweet or romantic, it was forceful and standing up. He told me that he liked me. Everything seems like a book or a movie. Matt likes me, I scoff, why did I let myself get carried away? I kind of enjoyed it but it was happening to quick.

"Can we skip dinner and just go home?"

"Sure. So we are just going to watch movies?"

"Yeah"

When we got to the house, we watch three or four old Russian movies then my father said it was time for bed, so we went to our rooms. I lay in bed, just in my boxers looking at all the marks Matt left. That was my first time. It happened during a wedding, in a church, on a desk, with a guy. I don't regret having sex with him but we are moving too fast and I am just not comfortable with that. Then I look at my phone. What a mistake.

MT: hey

MT: Jace?

MT: We have to talk

JW: I really don't want to talk right now.

MT: Please? 5 minutes?

JW: 3 minutes.

MT: OK. At the wedding i got carried away but i did ask you out and i never got an answer. I really like you please will you go out with me

JW: Matt, I left because I didn't want to be around you. I need time to think everything though. If you haven't realized it you haven't been the nice to me. Yes, you were nice the last week but before that you have been mean to me. Then at the wedding we... in the upstairs room. Please, I need to think through all of this.

MT: Did i steal ur virginity

JW: Yes

MT: are u mad that i did

JW: No. I'm going to bed; we can talk tomorrow at school or something. Good night

MT: Wait u are not mad at me

MT: Ur are not mad

MT: Jace?

I put my phone down and laid back. He kept texting me but I ignored them. My mind went to Matt though. I thought about all that has happened to us. I guess that subconsciously I had fallen for Matt. Is that weird to say after doing it with him? I mean have known for a while now that I am bisexual. I have dated a couple guys but we never did more then hold hands and walk around together. I was always dumped harshly. Matt was different though. He beat me up first then fell for me. Does that mean that he actually likes me? That...was the main reason that I was dumped. Matt he, I don't think that he would dump me for such a stupid reason but in America I would be a danger to him.

I spent the rest of my night thinking about what I was going to say to Matt or at least how I was going to tell him. I finally came up with the prefect thing to say.

On zero hours of sleep, I get to school. The first thing I do is seek out Matt. I spot the boy, walking around the courtyard with another person. When I see him my heart skips a beat and I run for him. When I reach Matt I jump into his arms, the other guy was watching us but mostly me. I really didn't care how he looked at me.

"Matt, we have to talk." I slide out of his arms, "It's important."

"Yeah, sure Jace. Brandon I'll be back."

We take a few steps away from his friend; we are out of sight and hearing range of everyone, "Matt, I-I know that I have been rude to you, always telling you to leave me alone. I try not to get close to people; it's just how I am. When I found out that I was bi I dated other people. They all dumped me kinda like how Raylee did the in-front-of-everyone, embarrassing kind of break up. I have never been very open about liking guys, my dad doesn't even know. Now I realize I have to be close to you. I wanted to be with you. I like you. No, I love you. I want to open up to you and I want you to do the same. I hated when you beat me, it hurt me because I had feelings for you and reacted in retaliation. I thought I was protecting myself but I can't hide from life any longer. I can't hide from my boyfriend?"