When Can I Hear Your Voice?

How I Died -Matt

"I love the sound of your voice, keep talking and take this." He put something into my hand and closes his eye. I plant a kiss on his lips.

"God, Jace, I need you. I love you. I'm sorry. I'm so so so sorry. I need you. J-J-Jace I-I-I-I need you! Don't leave me." I clutch is limp body, hugging him, sobbing into him.

"Sir, you need to let go of the body."

"No" I scream to the paramedic. She is trying to split me and Jace up.

"We need to take him away now, please let go of the body."

"NO!" I start sobbing again.

They get the body away from me because they drugged me with some weird sleepy stuff. Mr. Wilson gets off the plane. He doesn't understand what they are telling him by the look on his face. However the moment he realizes what happened he falls to his knees and lets of the most painful and disturbed wail I have ever heard.

It's been two days, three hours, forty-eight minutes and twenty-two seconds since Jace died in my arms. The funeral is well on its way. I haven't slept. I haven't changed. I haven't showered or eaten or opened my hand. I have sat on the end of my bed, unmoving for two day, three hours, fifty minutes and six seconds.

Otto has tried everything, movies, video games, something to get me to move. All I have done is cry and cry some more. Mr. Wilson asked me if I would speak at the funeral. And I said I would but to do so I have to write a speech and I need to open my hand.

I glance at my unopened hand; there is still dried blood there. I peel open my swollen hand and immediately regret it. I begin sobbing again. He handed me my ring. The one that I hand throw at him telling him to give it to the person he truly loved. Now, it is back in my hand.

I am wearing the suit from the wedding. With my face puffy and red I get up in front of everyone. I had a stack of cards that I was to read from I flipped through them as I went. "I beat the shit out of Jace every day when we first met. It wasn't always with my fists. It was mostly with words. The one thing I regret the most is that we got into a fight the day before he died and I never got to express how truly sorry I am. I will carry that burden with me for the rest of my life. I will spend the rest of my time on this Earth trying to make it up to him. We were going to get married and adopt two kids. I could never pick a favourite date because they were all amazing. After every date I fell more and more in love with him and I realized that I needed him and some reason he needed me too. We were two jagged puzzle pieces. Dangerous and shape to everyone else and perfect for each other. I don't think I will ever be able to love someone like I loved Jace. There is a line in a movie somewhere that reads 'the greatest thing you will ever learn is to love and be loved in return.' I never knew what that meant until I met Jace and even now, standing in front of all of you experiencing the greatest heart ache I will ever feel. I cannot bring myself to regret loving him for a single moment. He is and will always be the greatest thing I will ever love. Jace was eighteen and died February nineteenth. That was three days, thirteen hours, six minutes and eighteen seconds ago. There is not a moment that goes where I don't miss Jace. Я люблю тебя Джейс."(I love you Jace.) I left the podium. I left to room. I left the fucking church.

I stormed into the empty place I call home and locked myself in my room. This room was once bright and enjoyable, now this room is dark and painful. I sat at my newly polished desk. For hours I stay there, contemplating my next move. The lonely house filled with laughter, screaming and noise. The world continued to move on or at least the real world moved on. My world however stopped the moment Jace stopped. He was, is my love. He is my life. He is my soul mate and I can't life without him. I can't move on. I can't even function like a normal person anymore. There were a few knocks at my door and a murmur of voices seeping through.

It has been four days, eight minutes and twenty-two seconds since Jace died. I vaguely remember a stinging, cold, feeling in my limp arms, someone shrieking while calling my name and a blaring sound. Warm arms wrap around my chilling body. I went into shock. Then? Nothing.