Shadows to Stages

23 January 2016

Dear diary,

The sleepover with my girls was amazing but I was excited for today even more. Today Scott and his band were shooting their music video. I had no idea what to wear. I'm usually not the type of girl who spends half the day trying to find something to wear, I chuck anything on and go. Last night we curled each other's hair so I kept them in, they looked perfect. I found my wine jeans, my flowing white top, my flannel and my leather jacket.

I headed down to the skate park where we were last week. Everyone was there from last week. I was nervous but excited. Scott came over ' You look amazing and don't worry you'll do great.' He really calmed my nerves, he always has. Matt and Jacob came over 'Scott come on, we need to set up, we are almost done.' I stood there waiting. Mandy came over 'Hey you're Bella?' 'Yeah hi.' She seemed really nice. 'What do you do at Oatfield?' She said 'I'm a hip hop, breakdancer. What about you?' I could see in her style she was a hip hop dancer. 'I'm a jazz, contemporary, lyrical dancer.' Mandy and I were talking about internationals and she said she didn't want to go because of all the pressure and it got me thinking. I can take the pressure. Maybe going for it wouldn't be so bad after all. Mandy said 'Mrs Williams needs to find someone for it or our school won't even be able to compete.' I butted in 'I'm going for it!' She looked at me 'For what?' I said ' I'm going for internationals.' She looked at me 'Serious.' I nodded 'Serious.' I was so excited. I was going to tell Mrs Williams Monday morning as soon as I get into school.

We started shooting the video and Scott told me just to have fun. We were hanging out on the ramps of the skate park and he came over with a camcorder. He was videoing and I grabbed it off him and videoed him and the others, I had a blast. These guys are my friends now. At the skate park I had never been on a skateboard and they decided that would be perfect for the video. I was so nervous. They were all around clinging on to me trying not to make me fall and it was hilarious. I've never had so much fun. We then went to shoot at Scott's basement and we just had more fun. Only we had to leave for some reason but they said it was for the video. The rest of us were joking around upstairs and we then got to get in a car and drive up the driveway in front of Scott's garage. His band were performing and I decided to take out the camcorder and video it. It was so much fun. It was getting late and we finally finished. It didn't even seem like it was for a video. It felt like I was just hanging out with friends. Scott offered to walk me home. I was screaming inside. He said 'So Mandy told me you are going for internationals.' 'Yeah, I'm pretty nervous though.' We stopped. He grabbed my hand 'There's no need to be nervous. You can become famous, and then I'd be famous for dating you.' He chuckled. I stopped walking 'Is that what I'll be to you. I'll be famous and that's gonna make you famous.' He turned around 'No, I'm joking Bella. I love you for you.' I was disappointed 'Yeah but after internationals I'm going to make you famous because you're dating me, so you'll only love me for fame is that it?' He looked shocked 'Bella what are you thinking? I will love you for you after internationals before internationals, anything I say won't change that.' I came right out with it 'But what you said just did.' It then started to rain. I started walking 'Thanks for walking with me, I'll walk the rest of the way.' I turned and left him in the rain. I started to wonder if he never truly loved me, if it was all some joke to him.

When I got home I told Abigail and Maya about what Scott had said. They were still proud I was going for internationals. I told them about how amazing today was and how he pretty much ruined it by saying what he said. Mam came in and I told her about today. She was saying about how he didn't mean to upset you and he will always love you for you. Mam was right but for some reason I need him to want me back. I want him to want me to forgive him. I don't know but if he wants to keep me he better act fast.