Maybe It's Fate: SwanQueen One-Shots

Final Salute

I helped Henry tie his black tie and when I finished, I straightened it and bit my lip. The fifteen year old grabbed my hand and I looked to his eyes. "Are you okay, mom?" He asked, searching my red-rimmed brown eyes. I took a deep breath before nodding and i kissed his forehead. I grabbed his white calla lily and pinned it to the pocket of his suit jacket before sending him downstairs to wait on me. I walked to my bathroom and stared at myself in the mirror. Suddenly, nothing looks right. And I doubt it ever will again. I pulled my brown hair into a low bun before taking off my makeup and reapplying waterproof, knowing I wouldn't make it through the service without it. I straightened my black dress before walking downstairs to find Henry and we went outside to find the soldier car that would be taking us to the church.

"Y-you're getting deployed again?" I asked my blonde wife and she nodded before biting her lip. "But it'll be short. And it's the least dangerous deployment I've been on. This'll be the last one and then we can have more kids just like we planned. I promise." She said, caressing my cheek gently. I bit my lip and nodded. "Okay.. but don't be the savior this time, Emma. Don't go into any buildings that are about to explode. No matter who's inside. Don't take the blame for things you didn't do. Don't stick your hand in any body cavities containing bombs... just don't." I said and my voice cracked. She nodded and i kissed her softly as tears fell from my eyes.

And what did she do? She was the savior. And I can't be upset with her. Actually, I can because she got herself killed in the process of saving one of her mates. I wiped the tears off my cheeks and furrowed my eyebrows. When did I start crying? Henry held my hand as we stood by Emma's coffin, people coming in for the visitation and I couldn't help but stare down at her perfect face. She looks like she's just sleeping. Gods I wish she was just sleeping. I love her so much and I'm never going to get to hold her again. Kiss her again. Touch her again. I have to go the rest of my life without the love of my life and I don't know how I'm going to make it through. We were supposed to grow old together. Have more kids. She promised. She promised me so much. I let go of Henry's hand as I quickly left the sanctuary and practically ran to the bathroom, locking myself in as I completely broke down. I slid down the door as my sobs wracked my body. She's supposed to be here to hold me and help me through everything. I'm not supposed to have to learn how to live without her. She's been a huge part of my life, my whole life. And now she's just gone. It's not fair. Why is this happening to me? What did I do to deserve this?

After the service, 6 soldiers from Emma's brigade served as pallbearers and carried Emma's coffin to the horse-drawn limbers and caissons which would go to the cemetery for the graveside service and a riderless horse followed, symbolizing a fallen leader. When we got to her grave, Air Force fighter jets in missing man formation performed an aerial flyover. A rifle formation of seven members from Emma's brigade performed a three-volley salute and two soldiers moved to begin folding Emma's flag as a lone bugler played Taps and all the other soldiers here gave their final salute, some with tears in their eyes. When they finished, they handed her flag to me and i took it, holding onto it for dear life as if it could bring her back to me. "I pray that Captain Emma Swan-Mills rests peacefully with our Lord and that all her pain has been taken away from her. I also pray for Regina, Emma's wife, and Henry, their son, and that their grieving hearts soon begin to heal from the loss of such a deeply loved one. Emma was a large part of our community and she will be greatly missed." Our preacher said and Henry leaned against me. I wrapped my arm around his shoulder as the preacher continued to pray.

After some of Emma's mates talking to Henry and i after the service, we were on our way home. "Ma knows how much we loved her, right?" Henry asked as we walked up the pathway and I squeezed his hand. "Yes, my love. She knew. She knows. She'll always know." I said, holding back tears. We went inside and to our separate rooms. I changed into one of Emma's sweatshirts and a pair of shorts before grabbing her folded flag and getting in bed, holding it close to my chest. I felt the hot tears streaming from my eyes and I curled in on myself. Oh gods I miss her.

I'm on my knees
only memories
are left for me to hold

Don't know how
but I'll get by
Slowly pull myself together

There's no escape
So keep me safe
This feels so unreal

Nothing comes easily
Fill this empty space
Nothing is like it seems
Turn my grief to grace

I feel the cold
Loneliness unfold
Like from another world

Come what may
I won't fade away
But I know I might change

Nothing comes easily
Fill this empty space
Nothing is like it was
Turn my grief to grace

Nothing comes easily
Where do I begin?
Nothing can bring me peace
I've lost everything
I just want to feel your embrace

Today's December 9th. Mine and Emma's anniversary. Henry and i have both been going to counseling since the day after the service. My sister Zelena moved in with us and I couldn't be more grateful. I don't think I'll ever date anyone else. Emma will always hold my heart. I stared at her headstone, my hands buried in the deep pockets of my black trench coat. I took a deep breath before letting it go. "I love you, Em. I'll never give my final salute."