Why We Fell in Love

Chapter Forty One

Abby's POV

My blood is rushing everywhere. My mind is running wild. I have not moved from my spot for at least a week. The last thing I ate was half a cracker, the other half is sitting on my bed. My hair has it's own imagination by now and my face... It was filled with nothing.

In front of me were two items. My dad's knife and a jar of old pills. I've been trying to decide which would be less painful. From time to time, my hand reaches for one thing but I never follow through with the plan because this is my life on the line.

"I'm coming dad," I say. "Soon."

Noah's POV

"Look who's back from California... Again," mom says, caressing Jessica's hair as she sleeps. She has gotten so much older now. Time flies by. "What's the reason this time?"

I sigh," it's nice to see you too mom."

She rolls her eyes," things didn't work out with Clem?"

"No. You know why? I met Abby's mom- Fuck, I need to go," I say, putting my jacket back on and rushing out the door. Might as well go on foot. I don't have time to start the car. And I'm way faster when on foot.

A minute or so later, I'm at her front door. There was no way she was going to answer the door so I did what I do best. I climbed up her tree and her porch door was open. Thank the heavens. She wasn't in her room but there's... Half a cracker on her empty bed. It looks like it haven't been slept on for a while.

I look around and see that her bathroom door was closed. I run over to it and try turning the door knob but it was locked. I listen closely. No running water. No peeing... Or pooping. Oh no, please tell me she's okay. Please, please, please.

I take a deep breath before taking a few steps back. In one go, I kick the door down hoping it doesn't fall on Abby. The first thing I saw was a knife and a bottle of pills. And then, I saw Abby lying in the tub with her eyes shut.

No.

This can't be happening.

She couldn't possibly be dead.

I slowly walk over to her and caressed her cheek. I could feel the dried tears on her face. The lack of color in her cheeks. Her hair being messy and crazy. But I don't care about that because she's dead.

The girl I was going to spend the rest of my life with.

I'm too late to be the hero.

The two girls I loved... Died.

"Get your disgusting hands off of me," she says, waking up and shoving my hand away. When I see her stand up and rub her eyes, I was in complete shock. She walks over to the sink and washes her face. I immediately go over and hug her.

But she doesn't pull away. Instead, she turns around and hugs me tighter than ever. She begins crying into me but that's perfectly fine.

"I was so scared," I cried.

By now she was crying too," I think I was more scared."

She pulls away to wipe her tears but I instantly pull her back towards me," no, do not pull out of this hug. I'm not ready for that yet."

"Why'd you come back?" she asks, sniffling here and there.

I take a deep breath," It takes courage to love, but pain through love is the purifying fire which those who love generously know... We all know people who are so much afraid of pain that they shut themselves up like clams in a shell and, giving out nothing-"

"-receive nothing and therefore shrink until life is a mere living death," she cuts in.

"Eleanor Roosevelt," we both say at the time as we both pull away.

"When were you all fancy with quotes?" she chuckles. 

I smile," its nice to see you smile."

She looks down at the door and the knife and the pills.

"Um, I'm sorry that you thought I was dead," she says. "I've been sitting there for like, a week and no one noticed. But it's not like anyone would care about me. Thank you for coming. I was really close to-'

"No, don't talk about it," I say, pulling her into my chest again. "I shouldn't of left like that. I shouldn't of been such a careless idiot. I love you, so fucking much. You have to know that. I say stupid shit out of frustration but I love you so much, I always will."

She cries," I know you love me. But I really don't think I can do this anymore, Noah. If you didn't show up, I would've killed myself. You need to know that."

"But I did come. And you're alive. And I'm never leaving you like that again. Even if I'm mad at you, I will always be here for you," I say.

"... Your mom told me what you said about me right before you ran off with Clementine," she says. God, my own mother betrayed me. "I'm sorry that I've had a fucked up life that affected yours. I never asked for you to deal with me."

"Well technically, you were the one that made the first move."

"Me asking Are you new here? is not making a move you dumb ass," she argues. "You're the one that flirted with me."

"You're the one that remembered our first words," I smirk.

"My first word was  'Dada' smart ass," she says, rolling her eyes.  "Noah, you can't keep doing this to me. Leaving and then coming back. Maybe I was gullible in the past but I was moments away from dying."

I sigh," Abby, work with me here. I'm trying my best to make this work."

"Why?" she shouts. "Aren't I just a waste of your time anyways? Aren't you just better off with Clementine? She supposedly loves you, not me."

"I shouldn't of said that, I apologize," I say. "But you have to meet me half way."

"Aren't you tired of us always arguing though? Because I know some people are."

I groan before pacing back and forth. I can't keep it in any longer, I have to do this or I'm going to lose this girl.

Abby's POV

"I wanted to do this a little bit differently," he says.

"Do what?"

He sighs before getting down on one knee. Really? Is his knee hurting that bad?

"Abby, we've have been through hell and back. We've been through some tough shit like having a gun point to our heads and you being held captive and... This almost death incident but we've been through such great things together. We supported each other all throughout high school and college and now life. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, I mean it. I'm afraid to let you go again and don't let our past mistakes screw this up."

He sighs.

"I hate to say this Abby but you are screwed up. But here's the thing. I am too. You're my responsibility as a promise to your dad but you're also my princess and I never mean to upset you. You're my world, Abby. I love you unconditionally. Without being said, will you, Abigail Rose, marry me?"

I try my best not to cry but that's not working out.

"Noah, I look terrible right now," I say, covering my face.

"I don't care if you look like you just came out of a dump, you're always gorgeous in my eyes."

I smile," of course I'll marry you."

His face instantly brightens and he's already spinning me around in circles. What a twist of events.