That's Life, Bud

expressionless

Omygeeway frank is so adorable I am in physical pain.

Oh, yeah. I have a chapter to write.

"He seriously does not shut up, though!" Austin complained to the group. It was Tuesday morning and all of us except for Harper and Patrick had all gotten to school early and were waiting outside in the bitter cold. Jasper had dropped me off and was going to go to be in a different city all day seeing some old friends.

Somehow the conversation led to Patrick. And what do you know: Austin is trashing him.

"No, but you wanna know the worst thing?" he asked no one in particular. He didn't take our silence as a hint and continued. "He thinks he's funny! He makes all these stupid jokes about stupid things and then laughs as if it's the funniest thing in the world!"

I looked over at Jet and she looked at me. We gave each other this look as if to say, He needs to shut up.

"So, Carter, when does your mom get home?" Emma asked, trying to change the subject.

"Monday, I think," I replied. But then Austin started again.

"But it's funny too because he thinks that Harper likes him! It makes me wonder how stupid-"

"Would you shut up?" I asked bitterly. Whenever Patrick and Harper weren't around, this was all that Austin talked about, and I don't think I was the only one who thought it was annoying.

"What?" he asked, confused and hurt.

"Stop talking about Patrick for one second when he or Harper isn't around!"

"You know what, Carter? Everyone else agrees with what I'm saying, so-"

"No we don't," Michael cut in. "We actually like Patrick and I don't think any of us appreciate you talking bad about him behind his back!" he said firmly.

"You like him? How could you possibly like him?" he asked.

"Well, for starters, we don't like the same girl that he likes," Emma stated lightly.

"Emma, you don't even know what you are talking about!" Austin spat at her.

Wrong move. You mess with Emma, you mess with me and Jet.

"Don't you dare speak to her like that!" we both fired at him loudly. He was taken aback a little, but then gave us a look as if he was trying to understand what we were saying.

"What? It's not like she's smart enough to understa-" he started.

I punched him square in the jaw as hard as I could.

Austin stumbled a bit and then hit the icy ground with a thud. He pulled his hand up to his face to clutch it and looked up at me in shock.

Emma gasped in delight and Jet quickly laughed, surprised at what I did.

"What the- Carter!" Michael yelled at me, angry and shocked.

"What," I asked him casually.

"Oh, I don't know?" he said sarcastically. "Maybe the fact that you just punched Austin!" he exclaimed. "Don't you think that that was a bit of an overreaction-?!"

"You mess with one of them," I said referring to Emma and Jet, "expect nothing less," I threatened him.

Michael looked at me with wide eyes. "Carter, what happened to you?" he asked harshly. "It's one thing to stand up to someone, but it's another to punch then in the face!"

I narrowed my eyes at him.

"You know what? The things they say about you are right!" He continued. "You are just a worthless, trashy, no-good, punk from a broken home with no hope for the future!" he spat.

Emma gasped. Jet made this sound in between a grunt and a growl. Even Austin winced. It took Michael a moment for him to contemplate what he had just said, and when he did, he choked.

"Oh, frick. Carter, I'm so sorry-" he started.

"Who said that?" I asked expressionless.

"No, Carter, that isn't important-"

"Who said that?" I asked again, but this time more forcefully. He swallowed.

"Kayla and Trin and Addi and their group . . . " he mumbled shamefully.

"And why were you with them?" I asked, expressionless once again.

"Carter, seriously I'm sorry-"

"Why were you with them?" I repeated louder.

"Because," he said, but hesitated. "Carter, come on-"

"Stop stalling."

He frowned and looked down at his shoes before blurting out, "Because Kayla and me are dating."

I tensed up. Michael was rambling about being sorry he said those things and how Kayla was 'actually really nice, just didn't like me' and how it was stupid of him to open his mouth. But I wasn't listening. I just thought about how much I had told Michael about what Kayla had did to me, about how she had ruined me. And he took all of that and threw it away like it was nothing. He didn't heed my warnings. He didn't study my experiences. He ruined me just like she had.

When I regained my composure, I spoke. "Ok," I said simply. Expressionless as always.

"Ok?" Michael asked confusef. Jet, Emma, and Austin watched in silence.

"Ok. You made your choice. That's ok. It's your choice. But don't think that I forgive you," I explained in a tone as if I was warning him.

I then started walking. Across the parking lot. Down the street. And to my house. I didn't think of anything. I didn't look back. I stared straight ahead and let my feet drag my body inside of my empty house. I shut the door behind me and dropped my backpack on the ground. The doors were probably open for them to get into school now. I didn't care. I'm skipping.

I shook my head and blinked hard a few times, bringing myself back to reality. I needed something. I needed someone.

I needed Sam.

I walked up the stairs, into my room, and before I knew it, I was standing on Sam's roof, knocking on his window. I looked out over the neighborhood, waiting for him to answer. Thank God he was home sick from school again today.

I was too busy staring into to nothingness when I  didn't notice Sam until he opened his window.

"Carter? Shouldn't you be at school?" he asked. But his confused face turned into a concerned one when he saw my saddened eyes.

"Do you wanna come in? My parents are at work, so it's just me," he asked, forgetting the fact that I was skipping school. I nodded, not being able to speak.

Sam moved out of the window sill and I crawled through. His room was dark and warm and comfortable as always.

He closed the window and turned to me. "What's wrong?"

I was about to tell him everything. Everything about my feelings for Michael to my burning hatred for Kayla. About how the time he kissed my cheek at the movie theater didn't matter to him, along with all the flirting and winks. But the words wouldn't come out, though. I felt like if I tried to speak, I would end up breaking down. I couldn't risk that. So I just stood there and shook my head, looking down at my shoes.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Sam asked softly. I shook my head even more.

"Do you want a hug?" I looked up at him. He was smiling slightly and blushing.

"Yeah," I managed to croak out. He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around my neck and I wrapped my arms around his torso. It took all my will power not to cry. Sam seemed to notice.

"It's ok to cry, Carter," he told me.

I never cried harder than I did on that day.