I Will Always Find You

At Night

"Victoria, you know we can't make it without mom." I said to her.

"No we can't. But we are going to have too Hannah. Just think she's still here and for right now today can mean forever if you think about it. It's gunna be okay." She tried to say and make sense but when your mind is has so much stuff going on it goes numb and nothing makes sense. No matter how hard you want it too.

All I heard was forever and knew it was a lie.

"This is my life.... And it's not fair. It's anything but fair is a struggle." Just thinking about it kills me.

Victoria came over and hugged me. I wished hugs could do more than comfort people. I wish they could cure people. I wish love did more than change people. I wish it could cure people.

"I'm really tired." I told my sister.

"Okay, go get some rest." She said and I wanted to but I didn't want to be alone.

Anyways I still went up to my room and climbed into my bed.

I was tossing and turning for about a half an hour wanting to sleep but just not being able to do it. It was so annoying.

"Knock knock." I heard someone say and crept my bedroom door open.

"Vic- Justin?" I said when I saw who it was and was confused.

"Your sister called me. Said you wanted me to spend the night." He said awkwardly.

"No, I mean yea I was trying to sleep. I guess you can stay." I said weirdly but I didn't want him to leave either.

He isn't mad about yesterday? I felt bad about it.

"Okay if you don't want me to stay by all means tell me." He said cautiously.

"No stay, please. Here I have room." I said moving over and lending him a pillow.

"I know you do I've slept in your bed before." He laughed and I blushed. He is really cute.

He climbed into bed and pulled the covers up over us.

"I thought you were going to be up when I got here." He laughed.

"Sorry, my sister called you not me."

"It's okay, I mean I would've been here sooner too if I didn't have to wake up and shower to fall back asleep." He said and I know anyone else would be mad but he wasn't he just smiled at me and cuddled me.

"I actually was up when you came. I couldn't sleep." I said.

"What why?" Justin said.

"Nothing, really it's stupid. Anyway how's my piano. I miss it." I said sort of depressed.

"My piano is fine. Are you?" Justin asked me.

"I can still play it anytime right?" I said honestly wondering.

"Of course. It will be there forever." He smiled at me.

"And prom, it's in two weeks. What about that?" I asked him.

"Han go to sleep." He said and his eyes flickered shut.

"I miss her and she's still here. Is that bad?" I said.

No one answered. Justin must have fallen asleep that fast. I guess that's true I mean it was really late.

I should have kissed him yesterday.

Why do I think of all this at night?

It's stupid I mean he's already kissed me before. Why am I making any deal of it. It's stupid.

"Justin. Wake up." I said lightly shaking him.

"Ugh what." He said groggily. 

"For some one who wanted a sleep buddy you don't do a lot of sleeping." He said.

"Shut up. I-I" I said and it was annoying because I knew what I wanted to say but know I can't say it so I just leaned over and I couldn't even see him in the pitch black bedroom and I kissed him. I missed and kissed his cheek but Justin cupped my face and I found his lips. His soft lips and I kissed him and he kissed back. My hands followed his neck down to his shoulders and chest and I rested them there and kept kissing him. I really really like him.

"Hannah, what are you doing." Justin said surprised and out of breathe.

"I like you and I don't want you to think I don't like you. And I want you to love me because I love you. I'm losing too many things right now." I sighed and he kissed my cheek.

I rolled over and kissed his lips again and we kept kissing and it was really nice. I kissed his neck and even though we were both extremely tired we still made out.

~~~

"I made breakfast before I leave." My dads loud voice bellowed in my room.

I was so tired from last night I was still in bed and stuck a pillow over my head so I could sleep more.

"Hannah! What are you doing?!" He said and ripped the sheets off of Justin and I and opened the curtains which is the worst thing you could do to a sleeping person.

"What?" Justin who is a heavy sleeper woke up thanks to my dad.

"A boy?! You have a boy in here!" He was very mad and then I remembered he doesn't even really know about us together. He hasn't been around lately.

"Put a shirt on both of you! Ugh! We are talking about this now!" He said and stormed downstairs.

I forgot during our make out session I took of Justin's shirt and he took off mine...oops.

"Should I go?" Justin said nervously.

"No, my dad will kill you even more." I said and we both got dressed and went downstairs.

"Sit down." My dad said to us. It was so embarrassing oh my god. 

"Justin what are you doing with my daughter? You're covered in hickeys and so is she! You're too young and you know what she is going through with her mother dying and here you are being young and stupid." My dad sighed. I looked at Justin and he had hickeys everywhere and it was actually pretty funny I wondered what I looked like.

"Sorry sir, I promise I care for your daughter. I had no idea how bad her mother's circumstances actually were. She never actually told me. Not sure why but I'll take that into consideration from now on I'm so sorry." He said and anger started to build in his voice.

"I think I should go and give you guys some time." He said and slammed the front door as he left.