I Will Always Find You

What do I want?

Nathan: YALL will be fine in two seconds! It's not even bad :O

Nathan texted me to mock me.

Me: so you were there...

Nathan: Yea I was there... Didn't look like yall were fine to meee

"Ugh!!!" I growled and flopped on my bed.

I was extra irritated because Vivi and Grace have been knocking on my bedroom door trying to talk to me for an hour. Of course they heard what happened I'm not sure how though since they were getting frozen yogurt.

"Alright we should probably get going we are wasting our time." Grace said to Vivi outside my door. As much as I didn't want to talk to people, I knew I wanted to talk to my best friends more than anything. Stupid pride always asking for me to swallow it.

I slumped off my bed and opened the door to too nosy and worried friends hugging me.

"She's come to her senses!" Vivi said and I heard a deep chuckle behind them.

"Who's there?" I said looking down the hall.

Then he came into my view eating ramen noodles with s nervous smile.

"Surprise." He said and took another forkful.

"Nate who said you were welcome." I rolled my eyes.

"My gut feeling you were upset allows me to welcome myself. It's just what mutual friends do." He winked and joined me in my room and sat on my swirly chair.

I just ignored it and turned to Vivi and grace who were on my bed with me and I looked at them like I'm not ready to talk about anything in immense detail.

"He hates me." I said and kicked the bottom of Nate's chair glumly.

"Oh cheer up. It's high school, not marriage." Nate said and offered me his ramen noodles.

I pushed them back to him grossed out.

"No! Prom is in a few days and you don't even have a date anymore!" Vivi expressed anxiously.

I rolled my eyes at her lack of priority.

"High School relationships are the best ones. There's nothing else you have to focus on but each other. No responsibilities." I said and started to daydream about Justin and I.

But then this afternoon brought me back.

"Ten, he's had ten girls." Then I stopped talking quickly and remembered what I said about NATHAN! During our fight and he said he was THERE?!

"Oh my god." I said and looked like a deer in headlights. I stared right into Nate's eyes full of fear. If just hit me.

I grabbed his wrist and took him out into the hall.

"We need to talk." I whispered/screamed and went into my sisters room since it was the closest room with a lock.

"Hey?" He breathed confused.

"Why did you come here? Why are you talking to me after what I said about you to Justin and you were there!" I said hitting him in the arm with every word.

"Oh haha. Because I let it go. I mean I was flattered that you think I'm a better kisser than him. Absolutely. But I'm going to admit that I think you have deeper feelings for me you won't admit. You just can't get me off of your mind can you?
If you can't move on....maybe we should do something about it. I was okay with being friends, really. But now I don't know if you are with everything that has been going on. You said it yourself. You didn't want Justin because of what you had with me. Right?" He said and kept walking towards me slowly as I ran into the wall. The space closed between us.

"What are you saying?" I said and my breathing got heavier.

"I know what you want." He said and placed his hand on my neck and I shut my eyes waiting for him.

"Yea?" I whimpered. My eyes were still shut and my fave was getting flushed waiting for him to kiss me.

I can't believe I actually wanted this.

He seemed really hesitant and the longer I waited the more I couldn't wait.

He finally slammed his lips on mine and and was intense I mean like I felt everything. His body was pressed against mine and I was pinned against the wall as he kissed me and I kissed him back again and again.

"Wow." He murmured.

"Over there." I said dragging him by his shirt to the bed where we continued to kiss.

"Wait. Hannah we can't do this." He said quickly and broke away. He instantly looked guilty.

"Oh my god I'm sorry." He murmured under his breath. He grabbed his car keys and left.

I went in my room and told Vivi and Grade it's best if they left too.

I tear came down and it's like I hate myself.

What's wrong with me?
What do I want?