I Will Always Find You

Tears and Sundaes

EXTRA LONG CHAPTER

It was Saturday so me and my sister Victoria were on our way to the hospital to see our mother.

Today was especially awful because we both knew that today the doctors are supposed to tell me how long she has left. It's hard for me to even think about without tearing up or wanting to just dissolve my being into the universe and forget about trying to keep myself moving forward.

"Han," Victoria said preoccupying herself with something on her phone.

"Yea." I tried not to make my voice crack.

"Moms going to be okay." She said trying to comfort me like the sister she is.

I nodded keeping my eyes on the road. I was rested at the last stoplight before the turn to the hospital and I calmed myself and me and my sister arrived and walked into the hospital.

"Mrs. Gruzzio please." I said to the lady at the front desk.

"Of course you're welcome to see now."
She said politely.

I smiled at her and my sister and I waked down the hallway and up the elevator to my mother's room.

My father was resting beside her and the TV was on home decorating channel or something. The shades were closed so the room had this dusk feel to it even though it was a sunny day and 11:00 am. The linens were thin and my mother looked gray.

"Hey mom." I said and took her hand and Victoria did the same.

"Hi sweethearts." She formed a small smile. She was laying on her side and her balding head on resting on the pillow.

"How are you?" Victoria said pulling up a chair and sitting in it and I sat on the arm of the chair.

"I'm wonderful girls, and I know this is hard for you. I..... I just feel I should be the one to tell you the news." And as she said this there is always that one percent of you that is wishing she surprises us and this was all a prank or a mistake and she is actually fine and we can go back to normal. And then there is the 99% that expects the worst.

"Yea go ahead." Victoria nudged impatiently.

"Four months." She said and tears streamed down her face.

Then I realized that four months isn't thirty years. She won't see my grandchildren or even see me graduate. She won't see my wedding dress or even who I marry. She'll miss everything. I'll miss her so much with everything. It's not fair.

I would say I was hiding back tears but I am not. It's numb that feeling that you know it's the worst but you can't feel it or you feel it so much it doesn't register.

"Mom." I said and saw the fear and sadness in her eyes.

"I'm good today sweetie, right now I feel like I can live forever." She smiled and we all hugged each other.

But I still can't help but think what I ever did to deserve this torture. We did everything right.

"Girls I think I'll take you home now while the doctors come and see your mother again." My dad said and walked me and Victoria out of the room.

"Dad are you ok?" Victoria asked him and he nodded trying to brush off the question.

She put her arm around him and gave him a hug.

"Listen girl your mother won't want you guys to be moping around because of her illness, just hope believe in hope and smile. No matter what she wants your happiness. Always. Please give that to her." He said as we pulled into the house.