It Is What It Is

Sleepless Nights

It was one of those nights were she couldn't sleep. Jessica had many of those during her lifetime, but something about these last four years with Sarah made those sleepless nights easier. Jessica had the comfort in knowing that Sarah loved her and would always stay by her side no matter what. Even in Jessica's moments of doubt. 

Tonight was one of those nights that Jessica lie awake thinking about her doubt. She doubted she was good enough for Sarah, that someday Sarah would get tired of her and just throw her away, that as she grew older, Sarah would find her less and less beautiful. And that terrified her. 

Tonight was one of those nights were Jessica needed Sarah.

Jessica looked over at the digital clock on the her bedside table and read the bright red numbers.

1:37 A.M. Good Christ Lange, what a time to be starting this conversation.

Jessica rolled over to face Sarah who was sound asleep curled up on the other side of the bed. 

"Sarah..." Jessica whispered to the other woman.

No answer. Of course. You're going to have to try harder than that. 

Jessica outstretched a hand and placed it gently on Sarah's shoulder. 

"Sarah, darling, wake up." Jessica said louder this time as she gently shook her.

"Hmm." Came a sleepy reply from Sarah.

"I-I need to talk to you about something.." Jessica said nervously. 

It wasn't the first time the two of them had talked about this, but it was a first at, now, 1:45 in the morning. 

Sarah glanced over at the clock.

"Jess...I hope you know what time it is..."

"I know, I just had something on my mind."

"About?" Sarah asked.

"About us. About you." Jessica replied.

"Okay." Sarah payed closer attention now, she knew Jessica had most likely thought on what she was going to say most of the night.

"I've been thinking about these past four years. You know, I don't think I've ever been happier with anyone I've ever been with. Not even Sam." Jessica said as she began to explain.

"I've thought a lot about how much I love you, and about how much I couldn't bear to lose you."

Sarah listened quietly to her lover while she spoke.

"But, I'm getting old Sarah, I'm afraid. Afraid that I won't be beautiful to you any more. I'm afraid that..." Jessica paused to help keep her emotions in check,"that you won't love me any more."

Those last few words tore Sarah apart. She sat up and turned the lamp on next to their bed.

"Jessica." Sarah said.

Jessica kept her head down.

"I'm sorry Sar, I just get to into my head sometimes. I'm sorry. I jus-" Sarah cut her off.

"Jess, look at me." 

Jessica did what she was told as Sarah took her by the hand.

"No matter what happens, no matter what you look like, I'm here for the long haul. Do you understand?" Sarah said looking Jessica straight into her eyes,"Because I love you Jess, and nothing could ever change that."