It Is What It Is

Beneath the Mask

Jessica sighed as she took her seat at the small kitchen table. This was not the first time she had done this, sitting, staring at the small package that sat square in the center of the polished oak. In fact, it had been a rather regular occurrence at Sarah's insistence, though they never got much further than this. And that was okay, Jessica appreciated that the younger woman didn't push the issue, however ridiculous it was.

She had finally figured out what she was so afraid of, why that little plastic pouch was so significant. Trust. This little insignificant thing was about trust. Allowing ones partner to see ones walls broken down at both a physical and emotional level required trust. And Sarah had it. She trusted Sarah with her life, yet Jessica could not bring herself to allow this simple act.

"Jess." Sarah said softly as she entered the room.

Jessica looked in her direction.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah."

The brunette took took her seat across from her lover.

"You don't have to do this. I would never force you to do this."

"I know that."

The two sat in silence for a few long moments, nothing but the sound of breathing and the occasional creak of the house. Jessica turned to face Sarah and folded her arms across her chest.

"Why?" Jessica broke the silence first.

"Why what?" Sarah leaned back in her chair.

"Why do you want to do this?" She gestured between herself and the package.

Sarah shrugged.

"Because I want to see you."

"But you see me now."

"Very true. But I only see what you want me to see."

Jessica cocked her head.

"And what is it that you see?" She challenged.

"I see a woman who's hiding. But what she looks like, I have no idea. I've never seen the woman under the mask before." Sarah explained.

"My mask."

"Makeup, Jess. You don't wear a lot, but I've never seen you without it. Not even here at home."

"Oh, you've seen pictures."

"What I see in pictures isn't the same as what I see in real life."

"It never is."

There was a pause.

"I want to." Sarah said firmly,"I would like to meet the woman I fell in love with."

Jessica let out a heavy exhale. She truly had no idea how much she had been hiding. That was never her intention, it started as a way to feel more confident about herself and with others, but now it only served to strengthen her carefully built walls.

"Is here okay? Or do you want me somewhere else?" Jessica whispered.

Sarah's eyes lit up.

"You really want to?"

"Well, you wanted to meet the woman behind the mask, I think it's time she met you as well."

The older woman smiled and grabbed the package. 'Makeup Removing Wipes' glared at her in big, bold letters. She took a deep breath as she ripped the plastic open, satisfyingly enough across the font. Sarah stood and quickly rounded the table, taking the wipe that was offered. She sat on the table, leveling herself with the woman before her.

Jessica lowered her gaze, even though she wanted to, needed to do this, she still didn't want to see the disappointment in Sarah's eyes. She knew what she looked like, an old, wrinkly, washed out woman who was more than past her prime. Her eyes closed at the thought then snapped open when she felt her chin being lifted.

Sarah eye's roamed every inch of the woman's face, trying to memorize the painted expanse and, at the same time, look for the best place to start. She could feel Jessica tense under her intense gaze. The brunette smiled brightly as she ran her fingertips down the woman's jaw. She leaned into the slight touch unconsciously and relaxed slightly.

"I think here is where I should start."

Sarah pressed the moist cloth onto the middle of Jessica's forehead and slowly wiped down the bridge of her nose, across her lips, and finished at the chin. The line perfectly separated her face, just like Sarah had wanted. She folded the wipe and pressed it to the inside of her right brow, wiping the hairs clean, surprised to find how little product was actually there. She repeated the same motion on the left.

"Huh. So they are yours." Sarah mumbled to herself.

She wiped the rest of the forehead clean, careful not to be too rough. Next, she moved down to the cheeks, wiping the defined bones clean before clearing the hollows away. Sarah thought her lover looked much better without the extra contour, it wasn't like she needed it anyway.

Sarah turned to get another wipe when she was stopped by Jessica grabbing her wrist. The brunette looked down at the hand that held her captive and then back up to meet the captors eye's. There was an overwhelming amount of vulnerability that filled them.

"I trust you." Jessica whispered as she removed her hand,"I trust you."

"I know. And I trust you." Sarah smiled as she ran the new wipe across the older woman's jawline.

All she had left were the eyes. She had left them last on purpose, it was the area that contained the heaviest amount of product that hid the 'imperfections' and, as a consequence, almost completely hid the eyes.

Slowly and carefully Sarah wiped across Jessica's lid. With one swipe she could suddenly see the woman before her, and good God was she breathtaking. She did the same to the other lid, making sure to remove every bit of product that she possibly could.

Jessica watched in terror as Sarah leaned back to get a better look at her bare face. Her expression was nothing short of amazement, but whether it was good of bad, she couldn't tell.

"She's beautiful. Maybe a little tired and over worked, but she is beautiful." Sarah traced a finger across her jaw.

For some reason, Jessica was much softer than she had expected. Sure, those Finnish features were still very prominent, but everything was so very feminine. She loved the fine lines and wrinkles that were revealed, it let Sarah know that she was real, she was human.

"I must look like a wreck." Jessica said.

"What? No. Absolutely not. You look beautiful. I wouldn't want it any other way."

Jessica beamed, well, as best as she could.

"God, you look so beautiful when you smile like that." Sarah sighed.

"Smile like what?"

"When you smile. I mean a real, genuine smile. Not to be cliche, but it really does light up a room."

Jessica blushed and bit her lip.

"You really think so?"

"Yes, I do. It's even more beautiful when I can see your eyes."

The older woman reached up to pull her lover close.

"I love you."

Jessica closed the distance to kiss her. It was short, but powerful.

"I love you. No matter how you look. I love you."