Here's #SoulmatesMaybeTakeFIVE! Enjoy reading everyJuan and Happy Weekend!
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RJ
It's been a month since the accident, since her coma, since my world crashed to pieces and it has been hell. It's been a month since I heard her sweet voice, been a month since I saw her warm smile, been a month since I held her soft hands; it has been an awful month. And I haven't had any decent sleep for a month too. Ever since that day, I have been back and forth to the hospital, I don't want her to wake up and see all her loved ones but me. I want to be there when she opens her eyes, I want to be there when she smiles again, I want to be there because she is there and that's all that matters to me, she's all that matters to me. And I love her so much.
I pulled up and parked a few blocks away from the hospital. I shut off the car's engine and walked out to the sidewalk. As I was walking, my eyes caught something, I took a step back, breathe heavily, I was getting choked up, I stood there for awhile, for like a minute or so, because it was her, I saw her, well a picture of her, it was a bus with Nicomaine's face, in the picture she had her huge smile and her sparkling eyes, she was looking back at me, she was beautiful and I know it sounds crazy, makes me a pathetic idiot but these photos, these moments, it makes my day, these moments are all that I have right now, these things they give me reasons to keep my faith, even though it's scary and uncertain.
I got inside the hospital, she was at the second floor, room 218. I knocked and slowly opened the door, I saw Nicomaine's mom, she was arranging flowers on a vase at the far left corner of the room, then I saw Dean, scribbling with his phone, he was sitting on the couch near the tv set, and Nico was also there, he was holding Matti. And at the center of the room, there she was, peacefully sleeping, she was still beautiful, her face looks calm and warm. I walked over and held her hand, I gently lowered myself and kissed it, and slowly whispered "I love you babe, gigising ka na ba today?"
"Sana, RJ." I heard Nico answer me back.
"Malay natin, today is the day." I replied back as I shake his hand and took Matti from him. I kissed Matti in the forehead and he giggled back at me.
I looked out at the window, today was a good day, weather wise, it's warm and there are hardly any clouds in the sky. Outside this hospital room, through the window, I marvel at the view, if Nicomaine's awake, if she could be awake right now, she'd grab her phone and take a photo of this, she likes these things, and she has always been in love with nature ever since I met her. It's one of the reasons why I fell for her actually.
I turn back and stare at her again, just laying there, to be honest I have stared at her a million times, I've stared at her when she's reading, when she's eating, when she's sleeping, when she's happy, when she's hurt, when she's tired, when she's excited, and when she's scared. I even stare at her when she isn't looking or when she is too busy minding something else. I love staring at her. I love looking at her. Sometimes I try to memorize all the features of her face. Her eyes, her nose, her chin and chin dimple, her lips, she's breath taking.
Staring at her sometimes gets me lost you know, but now, here in the hospital, in this white walled room, staring at her again, I am even more lost than ever. Right now, I can't even explain how I feel when I look at her, it's still her I know, same eyes, same nose, same chin and chin dimple, same lips, but it doesn't feel the same like before, something's missing, she's missing, and I goddamn miss her too.
I stopped myself because I was over thinking too much again. I do this often now, ever since her accident. I can't help it. Sometimes I think it's a compulsion. A fucking disease I caught along with her coma. Sana pag gising nya, matapos na din to. I thought to myself.
