Here is #SoulmatesMaybeTakeSIX :)
Enjoy Dabarkads! And Happy Wednesday!
Dedicated to all the readers and voters of the Take FIVE!
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RJ
It's a cold and lonely night. I've been sitting on this bar stool for almost three hours now. I look around me and there's no one there. Empty chairs, empty tables, empty glasses, and an empty bar. Well not totally because I am here, but still it was empty, much like my whole being right now, it's empty, soulless, and useless even though I am still breathing. A guy pops out of the kitchen door on the other side of the counter. He's wearing a striped green and blue sweater and black denim pants. He looks at me, shake his head and gave me another bottle of beer. It's Jerald, he owns this bar, who would have thought right? But this bar has been around since mid last year and sometimes after it has closed, we come and hang out here, sometimes I come here with Nicomaine but now, it's just me. I took the beer from him. It was my fifth one.
"So anong balak mo ngayon, pre?" Jerald broke the silence that has deafened both of us for the last hour or so.
"Ano bang dapat ginagawa sa sitwasyong ganito, Je? Nakakagago eh."
"Di ko alam. Basta ang alam ko, sa mga napapanood kong pelikula, eh yung eksena eh bumabalik yung alaala nung bida, tapos hahabulin nya yung leading man tapos happy ending na. Pero..hindi ko alam kung paano kung sa totong buhay na."
"Iba na yung tingin nya sakin eh. Parang wala na ko sa kanya."
"Alam mo sabi din dun sa pelikula, ang utak nakakalimot pero ang puso daw hindi. So baka naman mahal ka pa nun."
"Baka lang?"
All these uncertainties, it's slowly killing me and my mind. My whole body is tired. I so am tired thinking about the what ifs, thinking about the what could have been, thinking about what happens now, thinking about her and thinking about us.
About us, is there really still an 'us', or ako na lang? Me na lang? Wala ng You and Me. Ang hirap unawain na sa isang pag gising ko, wala na sakin yung taong mahal ko. Ang mas nakakaloko pa nun, eh walang nagsabi sakin, o kahit warning na lang, na bigla na lang mawawala ang lahat.
"Paano na ko ngayon, Je?"
"Eh di ligawan mo ulet."
"Paano kung di niya magustuhan sa pagkakataong ito? Paano kung di niya ko mahalin?"
"Subukan mo lang. Kesa naman na mawala yung tao sayo nang di mo man lang ipinaglalaban."
I finished another bottle of beer. I slowly put it aside the counter, along with the other empty bottle of beers, I then slipped my hand inside my right pocket, brought out the white small box. I carefully placed it in front of me. In the corner of my eye, I see Jerald was watching me on the side. He moved towards me and now we're face to face, he crossed his arms and gave me a sigh and a sad look.
"Kelan mo binili?"
"Last year. December. Nung nasa New York ako for a show."
"Ipaalala mo sa kanya lahat. Ipaalala mo na mahal ka niya. Ipaalala mo kasi saying yung pag ibig na ganyan, na umaabot sa ganito.." He then grabbed the white box that has been sitting in front of us and raised it to me.
Nicomaine
I looked at the wall clock in the corner of the room. It reads 12:20 AM. I can't seem to fall asleep tonight. It's been two days since I woke up from my quote unquote coma. It's weird having to say something that I can't even remember.
I have been with my family most of the time since I woke up. No other persons have visited me lately, except for that one guy, yung friend ni Dean, yung tisoy na may dimple. Yung lalake yun, grabe makatitig sakin, para bang kilalang kilala niya ko, para bang sinasabi ng bawat kilos nya na dapat kilala ko din siya. But honestly, I don't fucking remember him. I don't remember a lot of things actually.
My family has been trying to update me, and tell me things that I should know. They told me I was an actress now tapos host daw ako ng EB, tapos Dubsmash Queen daw ako ng Pilipinas? Ang hirap naman paniwalaan. Sa mahiyaing sarili kong ito? Eh wala nga kong ka talent talent eh, tapos actress pa ko? Parang hindi talaga totoo. Gulong gulo na tong utak ko.
I know myself. I am socially awkward and a very big introvert. I like spending more time in closed doors, in my bed room particularly. I don't like big crowds. I like long drives alone. I am vain but I can never be celebrity vain. I can't sing. I can't dance. I can't do anything. I just like to write.
Di ako bagay maging artista, sa pagkakatanda ko sa sarili ko ha. Pero kahit na medyo di makatotohanan sa pandinig ko, gusto ko pa rin maalala. Gusto pa rin. I want to know what I did or what happened that put me where I am right now.
I want to remember. I want to remember everything.
Teka di pa pala nila nasasabi sakin kung may boyfriend na ko ah?
Meron kaya?
Sino kaya siya?
#TakeSeven #Soon :)
