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Here's #TakeFifteen everyJuan!! Enjoy reading :))
Thank you to all the feedbacks and comments.
Dedicated to all readers.
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Do great stories really have an ending?
How are we supposed to know that this is where it ends?
What happens after?
They say that we only see the worth of someone when we no longer have them. That the true measure that you love someone is through their absence.
Did I really lose him?
I leaned on his chest. Tears falling from my eyes. I can't hear anything. We're both covered in his blood.
No sound of breathing. No heart beating.
I close my eyes. I wanted to die with him tonight.
Bumalik ako dahil mahal kita. Dahil hindi ko kaya na wala ka. Kahit ang gulo gulo ng utak ko, isa lang ang alam ng puso ko, nasayo ang buhay ko at kung ngayong gabi ang katapusan, sasabayan kita sa pagsuko.
I lay down firmly on him. My head above his chest, above his heart.
"Nothing can take me away from you now." I whispered.
I held him close and held the white box even closer.
"Miss, excuse, we need to attend to the patient."
I opened my eyes and saw two medical volunteers above me. I looked at RJ. And then I looked at them.
"Can you save him?"
"Susubukan namin, ma'am!"
I pushed myself up, and knelt down on the other side of RJ and held his hand, his weak hand. Then the volunteers started pumping his chest now.
First pump..
...nothing
Second pump...
...nothing
Third pump..
...nothing
Fourth pump...
..nothing
"Hanggang ilang pump bago kayo sumuko?"
"Depende po yun sa inyo. We can keep trying, kung gusto nyo po."
I closed my eyes again, crying, praying. And then I pumped his chest again, and again and again and again and again. My hands covered in his blood but I don't care.
"RJ di pwede...di pwede..Oh Diyos ko, ibalik nyo sya sakin."
Diyos ko, parusa ko ba to? Kasi di ko agad sinabi sa kanya ang totoong nararamdaman ko? Na may mga araw na hinahanap hanap ko sya. Na madalas akong bumalik sa park at sa café kung saan kami madalas magkita. Na madalas din akong dumaan sa bahay nila sa Laguna. Umaasang makita siya. Bakit kasi pilit kong tinago at tinanggi sa sarili ko? Dahil sa natakot ako? Ang tanga ko di ba, Lord? Nandun na siya sa harapan ko, abot kamay, pero wala, ngayon di ko na alam ang gagawin ko, parang unti unti ng gumuguho ang mundo ko.
I see him lying there. Motionless. No breathing. I blame myself.
Sana di mo na lang ako hinabol, RJ. Sana hinayaan mo na lang tayo magkalayo. Sana tinanggap na lang natin. Sana hindi mo na lang ako pinaglaban. RJ, sana ako na lang ang pinatay mo, kasi di ko kaya, di ko kayang makita kang ganyan. Ang sakit sakit na.
"RJ please...please.."
I kept pumping. I kept crying. I kept trying. But still his heart wasn't moving. I can't see clearly now with all tears in my eyes. There's a lump in my throat and it makes breathing difficult. But I don't care about that now, because all I can think about is him and his heart.
Suko ka na RJ? Suko na puso mo? Sorry kung napagod yung puso mo dahil sakin. Sorry kung napagod yan kakamahal sakin, kakaintindi sakin, sorry kasi nakalimutan ko ang puso mo. Sorry dahil naaksidente ako. Sorry dahil nagka-amnesia ako. Sorry dahil nakipag break ako sayo. Sorry dahil tumakbo ako palayo. Sorry dahil kinailangan mo kong habulin. Kung hindi mo ko hinabol, walang ganito, kung hindi ako umalis, di tayo ganito, Sorry. Sorry kasi umabot pa tayo sa ganito. Putcha. Bakit ganito?
"RJ anong gusto mong gawin koooo...wag mo muna akong sukuan..wag muna.."
"Mam, we need to take the body now.."
"No..no.."
I felt Tatay hugged me from my back, he carries me away from RJ.
"Tay, hindi, please Tay.."
"Halika na anak..tama na.."
"Tay..."
He turns me around, I can no longer see him, we're headed to the car, but I don't want to leave RJ like that.
"I never even got to tell him that I love him, Tay."
But Tatay won't let me turn around anymore. I felt so weak. I can't breathe. I can't stop crying.
Wala na ba talaga si RJ? Di ko kayang isipin. Di ko kayang tanggapin. Parang sinasaksak ang dibdib ko ngayon. Putang ina. Ayoko na. Parang hihimatayin ako sa sakit ng nararamdaman ko. Durog na durog na ko.
"Heart beat."
I heard someone say. I looked around and I saw them putting an oxygen mask on RJ.
"Positive, there's a heartbeat." I saw the volunteer say.
My head was spinning. I saw them move RJ's body to a stretcher. I looked at RJ's chest, it was moving, up and down. He was breathing. He was alive.
I ran back to his side. I stopped them from rolling the stretcher further.
I leaned in close, hugging him.
"Babe.."
"Babe." I heard him answer.
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Last Chapter! #TakeSixteen – Next Friday!
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