What I've Been Living For

Chapter Twenty-Five: Forgiving doesnt mean Forgetting

'The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naïve forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget" Thomas S. Szasz

Bella's POV

I walked away from the cafeteria, a small smile on my face from my earlier encounter with the Cullens. I had done it. I was finally free.

All around me, I could feel the gazes of students as I passed them by, but my mind was elsewhere. I was overjoyed over my liberation from the Cullens, but now I realized a different problem; Where do I go from here?

Sure, I got over my grudge against them and in a way forgave them for their actions, but that doesn't mean I want to be around them again. How does one adjust to learning side by side with the people who left you all on your own? Do I act as if nothing has happened? Do I choose to ignore them completely? What do I do if they want me to come back as a part of the family?

My mind was wracked with questions as I walked dazed through the hallways and entered my fifth class of the day; AP Statistics. I glided towards the teacher, handing him my slip when suddenly I felt a soft tingle against my body, as if somebody was watching me. I turned my head, only to be met with the hopeful and wary eyes of one Jasper Cullen.

I stared back confused and a little shock at his appearance in my class. For some reason, I had somehow believe that I would only see the Cullens during lunchtime. I had completely forgotten about the possibility of having class with them.

"Okay, Bella. Why don't you go and sit next to Jasper?" Mr. Scott asked, as he handed me back my slip.

I nodded slightly, feeling a bit nervous of sitting next to Jasper. With my enhanced senses, my eyes could see the small crescent marks on his lower arms and wrists. My vampire side was immediately on defense, while my human side fought to stay calm. He cant know that I'm able to see them or else that would raise suspicion.

Despite the obvious praise for Carlisle's fascination in studying new phenomena and things of the supernatural, it was actually Jasper who was the most observant of the clan. Given his ability to feel everyone's emotion, Jasper could easily observe us and predict our movement based upon how we feel. Edward may be a mind-reader, but you can block what you think. It's almost impossibly hard to block out how you truly feel.

Walking slowly to my new seat, I slowly pulled back my shield so that he could feel my emotions, while also expanding his gift so that I could feel his emotions. He was feeling nervous, anxious, regretful and a tiny bit of hope. I made my way to my seat and slowly sat down, avoiding eye contact with him.

I made sure to keep my emotions as predictable as possible; nervous and a bit or curiosity. I was always curious when I was around them, so it would seem natural for me to feel that way right now. I could feel Jasper's stare on me as I continued to avoid looking in his  direction. I pulled out my materials for class and turned to the front, allowing my hair to flow freely around my face, so that his face was blocked from view.

I bit my bottom lip nervously, as I heard him inhale softly as my scent billowed around. I knew I smelt different from before. I didn't smell as sweet as usual but I didn't have the sickly scent that vampires had. I had a natural sweet scent as Caleb like to call it. Supposedly, I smelled of strawberries and lilacs.

I could feel his emotions stir a little as he inhaled my scent, but they soon calmed down. I could feel him softly turn to look at me directly and I knew he was about to speak to me, when thankfully the bell rang and class began.

His emotions showed disappointment but also determination. He turned back to the front of the class and began the act of an attentive student, but I could tell his mind was the furthest thing from standard deviations and o-gives.