Do I love my Step-Brother.? (Yn and Ray Ray)

Chapter 19: What Now?

Yn POV

I lookiedin the mirror ad sighed. This isn't me. Crying with bloodshot eyes. This is not me. I am Yn Johnson , and Yn Johnson doesn't cry over boys. If that sorry motherf-cker wants to leave hos son for me to raise then so be it. I decided that I want to change my look a little. I want to dye my hair....blonde with brown tips. Yeah , that's what I'm going to do. I've been here for a couple of weeks now. I wonder how Ray's doing. I really want to call him , but I'm just not ready for that. I mean its not like he took my virginity but it still hurt that he raped me. I shook the thought out of my head and walked to Cj's room. He was sitting up is his crib with his arms out smiling his cute little tooth-less smile.

'' Hey mamas baby. '' I said picking him up.

'' Heee ahh! '' he said playing in my hair.

'' Hey , you're going to be a big brother Cj you know that. Yeah , since your my son now we're going to make it legal. Starting with changing your last name. '' I said putting his socks and shoes on.

'' Eyy? '' he asked.

'' Yeah , lets go bubba. '' I said putting him on my hip and walking out of the door. I walked to my car and put him in his carseat.

I got in the drivers seat and pulled out of the apartment building parking lot. I drove down the road to the BridgeStreet outside mall and drove to the hair shop. I got out the car , got Cj out of his car seat and walked in. The girl in the shop looked away from the Tv and looked at me.

'' Hello , is there anything I can help you with? '' she asked coming from around the counter.

'' Um yes. I'm about to dye my hair and do you know what brand I should use? '' I asked putting Cj down.

He could walk and stand , but I would just have to hold his hand.

'' Um....I would recommend using Sally's brand of hair dye , what color are you planning on dying your hair? '' she asked.

'' I'm planning on dying it blonde with brown roots. '' 

'' Trying to change up your look? Something happen with a boy? '' she asked.

'' Yeah , how'd you know? '' I asked smiling.

'' I didn't always have red and black hair. '' she chuckled '' I'm Kai Lan like the Tv show. '' she held her hand out for me to shake.

I grabbed her hand and shook it.

'' I'm Yn. I just moved here a couple of weeks ago. '' 

'' Aw is that your son? ''

'' No he's...actually , yes he is my son. '' I said smiling.

'' Well you can get your dye down that aisle right there. If you ever need anybody to show you around Atlanta just remember Kai Lan your girl down at the Wig shop. '' 

'' Alright thanks Kai Lan. '' I said paying for the dyes and walking out.

I got home and fed Cj and put him to sleep. I walked to the bathroom and read the instructions on the hair dye. I washed my hair and put the dye in. 20 mintues later I had brown and blonde hair and I must  say that I looked good.

Ray POV

''' M-mom? '' I asked starring at her in disbelief.

'' Ray , hey baby. '' she said trying to hug me.

I took a step back and looked at her.

'' W-what's wrong? '' she asked looking at me.

'' What's wrong? I haven't seen you in 15 years , and you just show up all of a sudden. '' I said.

'' Well Ray , I got a call from your dad a couple of weeks ago. '' she said.

'' Why would my dad call you. You left us! '' I yelled.

'' Ray I didn't leave you! '' she yelled.

'' Then what do you call moving away leaving your 3 year old son with his father! Huh? ''

'' Ray you don't understand why I left! '' 

'' Yes I do! '' 

'' No you don't Rayan! ''

'' Yes I do! You left because you didn't want me! You took all my brothers and sisters but you left me! Do you know how that felt? '' I yelled on the verge of tears.

'' Ray , I had a reason to leave! I love you! I didn't want to leave you! I had to! Your dad gave me no choice! ''

'' W-What do you mean , he gave you no choice? '' I asked lowering my tone.

'' See you don't know. Your dad forced me to leave you. I tried baby , believe me I tried my best to take you with me. Your dad , he just wouldn't let me take you. ''

'' What happened? '' I asked.

She sighed

'' Ray , your dad was cheating on me right around the time you turned 3. He would bring women into the house around you and the kids and not care one bit. Well , one day I just had it. I packed all of our stuff and I was going to leave when your dad was at work. He came home early and found me packing my clothes ready to leave, he grabbed me by my arm and told me that I wasn't leaving with you. He didn't care about the other kids because they weren't his. I told him that I was leaving and I was taking you with me. He...he grabbed a gun and threatened to kill me if I took you with me. At that point , I was afraid for my life. He told me to leave and take all of the kids and never come back , or he would kill me. So I left , but I promised myself that when you turned 18 that I would come back for you. Your dad called me and told me that you were in the hospital , so I came up here all the way from Florida. '' she said closing her eyes.

'' M-mom I didn't know. ''

'' I know. Your dad would never tell you. ''

Roc POV

'' Desiree get out my house. '' I said holding my anger in.

'' Roc , I'm sorry! I didn't know that I had AIDS. '' she said.

'' Well guess what.! I have only a f-cking year of my godd-mn life left because of your hoeing a-s! ''

'' What? You only have a year left? '' she said slowly.

I sighed.

'' Yeah, I only have a year left because of you. Now do me a favor and get the h-ll out of my d-mn house! '' I yelled pushing her out.

I walked up to my room and got inmy bed. I can feel the sickness in my body because I'm not the person I used to be. I'm not as energetic and happy. I'm more quiet and depressed I mean when I'm 19 I'm going to die. I never got to have kids. Never got to get married , or start a family. I never really got to be an adult. 

I can't believe that I was so careless.

This isn't all Desiree's fault because I shouldn't have slept with her when I was with Yn.

I feel like less than a man.

Maybe I should just die.

Maybe I shouldn't wait a year and just do it now.

Maybe....

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Roc's having suicidle thoughts?

Ray's mom. Is she telling the truth?

Yn is not crying over Chris...anymore.

Will she tell Ray she's pregnant?

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