Roll With It

5. Hard To Say

He doesn't mean to hurt me. He just loses control when I mess up. It's my fault. I make him mad when I make mistakes, and only then does he show me discipline. It's much like teaching a child to behave. His methods of discipline aren't wrong when I deserve them. He's not usually like this. He's usually sweet and a gentleman. He's hurt me, but never bad. I can put up with minor bruising. In the end, it toughens me up. I'm able to learn and not repeat the mistakes I made. I need to keep doing the right thing in order to save this relationship. I want nothing else but to keep us together. I want to stay in love with him forever.

He cares for me, and he just wants me to be good. For him, I will. I'm willing to change for him, so it's not bad, even though Finn thinks so. A few days after bowling, on the phone, he told me Jacob was bad for me. He said I deserved more than someone who's controlling. I think he's just jealous. We got into a huge fight, and he said he didn't want to see me again. I hung up on him. It's for the better. Jacob said I needed to let go of him, and he was right. All Finn is trying to do is get us apart because he doesn't have anyone to love.

He doesn't realise that before me, Jacob didn't have anyone to love either. It's hard to go through life without love. He's had a really hard life and deserves good. From being adopted to his dad being so sick... The least I can do is stay with him and support him. He needs me. I need him. It's that simple. Finn just can't accept that. He's always been the envious type. His jealousy has ruined so many things for me in the past. This time, I won't let him trick me into feeling sorry for him. I deserve good, too. And Jacob is good to me. Finn just won't admit it. He wants me to leave him, probably so he can keep me to himself.

Jacob left a flower on my bed the other day, after he left a bruise on my face. It wasn't that big, and only left a faint blotch of light purple. Even so, every time he bruises my face, he apologies and tries to make it up to me. He'll write me little notes or leave me little gifts. I try and tell him that it's okay, that he shouldn't be sorry because he was just doing the right thing. He's too good for me. I don't deserve it, but he spoils me anyway. I don't think I've ever been loved this hard.

I'll admit Jacob has scared me a few times, but he never goes overboard. He gives me what I deserve. A few slaps, a punch or two, and I've learned my lesson. It's okay because he's just trying to teach me right from wrong. It's kind of brave. He risks getting in trouble to do what's best for me. He could get arrested but he teaches me right from wrong anyway. I love him for that. I appreciate him so much. Nothing can lessen my love.