The Suicide Pact (on hiatus)

Chapter 11

Rachelle had forced herself out of bed that afternoon for the sake of her “friends.” She knew that the terrible aching and fatigue she was experiencing was far from a normal hangover. It’s as if Rachelle’s body was on exhaust from all she’d been throwing up and the amount of alcohol she’d drank the night before had only made the situation worse. She found herself barely capable of standing on her own two feet without tilting from the amount of dizziness that took over. 

Joey had appeared concerned when he picked her up that night for the triple date at the bowling alley. Hunter and the others had IM-ed and called her multiple times but Rachelle had been too exhausted to even answer or look at any of their messages. She had just wanted to get the night over with as quickly and painlessly as possible. Hanging out with her old group of friends was becoming tiring as of late and she wasn’t looking forward to seeing Deanne as things had been extremely uncomfortable between the two of them since their last talk. 

Joey looked handsome as usual with his dark, gelled hair and his grey thermal that fit his body snugly. As they drove to the bowling alley in silence, Rachelle couldn’t help but lean back in her seat and simply admire his beauty. She wondered how she had gotten so unbelievably lucky to end up with a guy like Joey. He was good to her and she knew that she’d end up missing everything about him. From the dimple in his left cheek to his husky, morning laugh. She inhaled deeply and closed her eyes for a moment. And his smell...She’d have to go an eternity without that familiar fragrance. 

When she opened her eyes, Rachelle was horrified to find that her vision was blurred by a pool of tears. She tried to blink them away as she forced herself to stare straight ahead, instead of gawking at Joey and his beauty. A few had slipped from the corners of her eyes, causing Rachelle to wipe them away rapidly in an attempt to conceal them. But Joey had caught her. He always caught her though...

“Rachelle?” He said her name, his voice filled with worry. He only glanced away from the road for a moment before staring straight ahead. He was an extremely cautious driver. “A-Are you...crying?”

“No.” She replied almost too quickly. “I guess I still don’t feel too good.”

When she dared to glance she seen that Joey had an earnest look in his eyes, yet he still refused to stare at her. She could see that she was killing the poor guy, ruining him with stress over her well being. She sighed and forced herself to look away, angry at herself for always putting him through this and always hurting him, whether she meant to or not. It didn’t really matter anyways. 

“I’m sorry.” She whispered quietly in the silence of his car.

“For what?” He croaked. 

“Everything.”

For leaving you...for planning to kill myself behind your back...

That’s what she had wanted to say, but of course those words would never come out because she didn’t have enough courage to do so. Rachelle was a coward, plain and simple and she was honest enough to admit that truth to herself. That small fact only made her self hatred intensify and encouraged her to believe that what she was doing was the right thing. 

Joey reached over and took her cold and clammy hand into his warmth. He entwined his fingers with hers and Rachelle felt a momentary bliss hit her heart as she stared at their clasped hands and weakly smiled. If she could just stay like that forever then she might have a reason to live. But she couldn’t depend on Joey to make herself feel better. She had to do it on her own and that didn’t seem to be happening...

“I just wished you’d talk to me more.” Joey admitted, his voice dry. “I can see that a lot has been on your mind, and maybe it has to do with the pageant, I don’t know. But I just wish that you’d give me some insight. It’d really help me sleep at night, knowing that you’re okay.”