P. E. R. A.

Chapter:19

In my hands is my daddy's rope, With it he caught many dreams and hopes. He says there's not a miss in it! And if I put my trust in God, my throws will be legit! With his experience as my guide, I will rope truth and life during storms at high tide. During those storms this here loop will redirect me to think about life and regroup. My conclusion, my lord is Jesus Christ, my daddy's rope will always remind me of his sacrifices.
-Kip Sawdy

I sat on the foot of the bed waiting for a sign that he was still here with us. His body didn't move, his chest didn't rise, his eyes didn't open, his hands didn't twitch and his toes never wiggled. He was gone, gone until we met again one day. He went to live with the good lord above.

Tears streamed from my eyes as the monitor buzzed. Mom and I walked out of the room silently back to the waiting room. Tears fell as we entered mom and I both had tears going down our faces.

The entire family was here. They surrounded us in a giant hug. "Let's go back to the house." Grandma said. I walked to the elevator next to Harris my dad's brother. His arms wrapped around me as we walked into the small space. He knew dad his entire life.

Once home I took my bags up to my old room and went out to the barn. The radio started softly playing a familiar song that me and dad danced to when it played.

Gotta hold on easy as I let you go.
Gonna tell you how much I love you, though you think you already know.
I remember I thought you looked like an angel wrapped in pink so soft and warm.
You've had me wrapped around your finger since the day you were born.

Tears started to fill up my eyes as I walked over to it to turn the song up.

You're beautiful baby from the outside in.
Chase your dreams but always know the road that'll lead you home again.
Go on, take on this whole world.
But to me you know you'll always be, my little girl.

"Dad always knew I was tough." I said aloud. "I think that's why he wanted you to ride bulls." I turned around and saw mom standing in the doorway.

When you were in trouble that crooked little smile could melt my heart of stone.
Now look at you, I've turned around and you've almost grown.
Sometimes you're asleep I whisper "I Love You!" in the moonlight at your door.
As I walk away, I hear you say, "Daddy Love You More!".

You're beautiful baby from the outside in.
Chase your dreams but always know the road that'll lead you home again.
Go on, take on this whole world.
But to me you know you'll always be, my little girl.

Someday, some boy will come and ask me for your hand.
But I won't say "yes" to him unless I know, he's the half
that makes you whole, he has a poet's soul, and the heart of a man's man.
I know he'll say that he's in love.
But between you and me. He won't be good enough!

You're beautiful baby from the outside in.
Chase your dreams but always know the road that'll lead you home again.
Go on, take on this whole world.
But to me you know you'll always be, my little girl.

As the song ended mom and I were talking about all the times dad and I bickered over riding bulls. "Does dad still have some?" I asked her. She nodded. "I think I'm going to try it." I told her standing up.

I walked into dad's office and there on the desk were two white envelopes, one with my name and another with mom's. I opened the one with my name on it.

Dear Bailey,
I knew you were bull headed since you were born. Every time I tried to get you to do what I loved to do, I already knew you wouldn't take the bait to go for it. I've always been proud of you no matter what you were doing. I want you to have my chaps, vest, spurs and favorite Stetson. I know you may never have any use for them, I thought you would like to have what I used to become myself and love what I did.
Love daddy
P. S. Take my bull rope also. You may find them useful in the future. I love you with all my heart and I hope to see you one day. I love you Bailey, stay 'my little girl'.

I looked up and over at dad's display case. His bull riding gear hung front and center in between several buckles he won. Mom came in and I handed her the letter for her.

After she read it, we walked up to the house and went inside. Our family gathered around us and made us smile and laugh as the week went on. The day before thanksgiving was his funeral.

Alex came in the front door and greeted me. His arms wrapped around me. Comforting me as we walked into the living room. I had on dad's Stetson and a buckle he won.

At the church mom sat on one side of me and Harris on the other. I couldn't help but cry once the preacher started. Once that was over we drove to the cemetery where dad was to be laid to rest.

After the funeral we went back to the house. I went up to my room and changed into old clothes before going out to the barn. I put a hackamore on Magic and rode out to the ravine.