My Story- Blobfishwriter

My Story-

I was born January 14. And most of my childhood I was convinced I was a dog... Not a joke for real I WAS a dog. I made a friend in Pre-K. She was the most popular girl I knew. But she would not let me have other friends. She would always be hanging out with everyone else, so I would patiently wait for her to talk to me. It was not common. I was her friend until 4th grade. I realized I wasn't a dog and I shouldn't be treated like her assistant. So I told her we are through. I had no friends, because by 4th grade everyone from my tiny town already picked out their friends. And it was really rare to see new kids at that grade. I eventually found another friend. We were both spunky and weird. And I remember in 5th grade I would bring out my glittery pencil grip and we would hide it on the play ground for the other one to find. We knew each other  since we were babies. But my previous friend told me I couldn't hang out with her anymore when we started going to school. So we drifted apart. We got to middle school. I started making a lot of new friends. We had our own little group. But that's also when I started having anxiety. I would cry every time I go to math class. I would sprint to go to my next class because the thought of being late was haunting me. I started growing out of my shell. My friends and I were a little rough sometimes. We would argue like friends do. But we would soon get over it and be friends again. The next year of middle school was amazing! I started talking to so many people. My shyness was withering away. I wasn't afraid to talk to the popular kids. But my anxiety grew worse with ever paper I was given. I was becoming overwhelmed and sad. I slowly progressed into a dark place. I was shot by reality. I saw who my friends were and who I was. I didn't like the future I had going down this road. I saw what they grew up to be and what I grew up to be... And I stopped hanging out with them. I am a awful person I know. I wake up to hate myself everyday. Imagine your best friend to just stop talking to you. I did that. I panicked. I had the right mind set, I just should have told them differently that I didn't want to be their friends... I just... It hurt me so much to know how they reacted. I know what they say about me when I'm not around. And I have an anxiety attack just reading your names... Imagine being around them again... I just... Don't know what I will do next year. But I'm so tired of fighting these feelings I just gave up... They don't really know I'm not okay... Even when I was with them I wasn't okay... But I knew they would react if I told them while we were friends. And that leads us up to here. Last year of middle school all alone. TBH I wouldn't change one thing though. I'm sorry to say this, but I'm glad it turned
out this way... I'm rotting and their happy. But I'm not their friends anymore and that's okay with me... They hate me too and that's okay with me... All of them combined could not hate me more than I hate myself...