Caged Hearts

1

Jhene

The greatest prison people live in is the fear of what others people  think.

The fear of going to hell. "All gays go to hell"

So many things happen  in life and we question everything that goes wrong. We run away  from  these things that we call reality.  Hoping the problems will solve themselves.

The fear to love the person  you want most.

"Are you gay?" "You like girls?"

I've heard that million times. When they ask me I don't know what to say. We have to hide our love.

Tears ran down my face.

"Im so tired of this", I said crying my heart out.

She scrunched her eyebrows together and tipped her head to the side.

"What do you mean. You acting crazy again man. Why you so emotional? Its aggravating sometimes, you really need to chill." She said while rolling her eyes.

"See, that's what I'm talking about. You always run away from the fucking problem!" I said yelling.

"What the fuck you want from me Jhene damn! You expect too much from me!" She said gritting her teeth in anger.

"All I want to do is show you that I love you!"I said hoping for some sympathy.

"You know damn well, I can't do that man." She said looking  aggravated.

"I just want to be able to hold your hand." I said pouting.

"Listen, Jhene, you know I'm not going to do that. But, not only that but I still have problems accepting myself and who I am and this whole "relationship with a girl thing " ,She said with a concerned face.

"Then why are we even  together." I said questioning.

"Because, I love you and I know you want love and affection from me. You just too clingy." She said with an attitude.

I cried even more when she told me that. She always knew how to break my heart  into pieces.

"Bye, I dont want to talk right now." I said bawling my eyes out.

"Wait, Jhene  I didn't mean it like that I'm sorry." Immediately wishing she didn't say that.

"Yes You did! You always  say that. Why am I the only one trying so hard in this relationship to overcome these obstacles. I changed for you and worked so hard. But, you don't have to lift a finger. You decide when you want to come back to me because you know I'm waiting for you." I said sobbing.

"Jhene, no it's not..."

"SHUT UP!!!" I hang up the phone. I didn't want to talk. I was hurt. The words she said to me cut me like a knife.  How can I care for someone so, much and at the same time feel empty inside.

I look up at the ceiling and covered my eyes. I notice my promise ring on my hand. I sigh trying not to even think about her,but no matter how hard I try I always end up doing it. I look at the ring and right then and there the memories came.

Flashback

"Oh, what's that Onika," I said grinning to ear to ear. Trying to see what she had.

"It just a ring from the 50 cent machine."

"Oh, I want it. Can I have it," I said with excitement.

"Why it just a stupid candy  ring from the 50 cent machine."

"But, it can be special," I said smirking.

"Ok. How?", She made a stupid face like bitch how -_-

"It can be my promise ring". I smiling.

I know it wasn't the best promise ring in the world but, I liked it. You can make nothing out of something. The ring was purple with green and white dots on it. But I been wearing the ring for so long that the colors started to fade away. Even though it not a diamond ring, it still meant the world  to me. You don't  need a diamond ring to promise that no matter what, you will always be here and  you will always be true. And to promise that you will lie with me and hold me at night.
When things throughout  my day just don't seem to be  going right.

Just think about our memories made me cry even more. I wonder if she was thinking about me like im thinking about her. I sat there in silence.

Suddenly the silence was broken.

"Girl
If they don't know your worth
Tell 'em you're my girl
And anything you want is yours"

The lyrics to {The Internet- Girl} piercing the air. Bothered by the interruption, I reached into my pocket and grabbed the phone..." 

It was Onika. I should of known that was her "Girl" was her ringtone for me. Should I  answer it?

"Hello." I said while sniffing.

"Jhene."

"Yea".  I whispered.

Bout today.....

"Yea wassup." Hoping for a  sorry.

"Yeah, lately I know what I have been doing to you and I know it's not right and I know I could do better for our relationship."

"Mmhmm...." I  was silent

"But it wouldn't be like that if i wasn't in the closet."

"I know... but im scared too but it wouldn't hurt to show a little love for me."

"Sometimes you need to chill out though".

"What you mean." I said kinda confused.

"Like when we are in public  and especially around my sister. You know that she will get suspicious and tell my mama and stuff and you know how my mama is she  super holy. " She said explaining.

"I know"

"And your mama don't make  no better with that negative  stuff. You just like her with that."

Thats when she struck a nerve. I hate it when people tell im like  my mama. My mother is an alcoholic. She's selfish and mean. She treats Onika like shit. She never wants Onika to come anywhere with us. She complains about Onika.

It makes me sick to hear her saying that I'm like my mother. I promised myself that I wouldn't be like my mother and by her telling me that made me angry.

"Really Onika,  you know how I feel about that!" I said yelling.

"What, but it's the truth."

"Fuck you Onika." My blood  was boiling. I was so piss at her. She didn't  care about how i feel. All she worried about is her and how other affect her.

"The truth  hurts" She said  with an attitude.

"Bye".

"Fine bye."

Tears  welled up in my eyes and began rolling  down my cheeks like rivulets.

This feeling  was like a weight  in my stomach  and sometimes  it gets  hard to breath. It feels like your heart has sharp  pain like  its actually  breaking apart into peices.  It also feels like you have something  lodged in the back of your throat  and it seems like  it forcing you to feel like your going to cry.

It was like we didn't  know each other anymore.

We all start as strangers before  we are lovers.

But then when we are lovers  we become strangers.

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Thank you for reading I truly appreciate it. Add to yall libraries

Love ya peachy 😄😄