Caged Hearts

5

Jhene

“Give me a kiss”

“Nooo”, I giggle

Come over here. She grabbing me and pulling me close.

I love you, I said getting lost in her eyes

I love you too.

That means I would defend you with my life even if the odds were insurmountable. It means I will comfort you in the difficult and painful times. It means I will dance and rejoice with you when times are good. It means I will never betray you, never give up on you. It means finding my fire when you, my loved one, is threatened, yet never waging war.

But you don’t know, not really. I’ll tell you things about me , things no-one else knows just to show you that I’ve made mistakes too, that I can get angry, feel vengeful and hate. I’ll show you my own darkness. I haven’t been “fully awake” since childhood, that’s over 17 years of “sleeping,” plenty of time to make mistakes, have regrets. I still make errors in fact, but I’m learning to reduce them bit by bit. Knowing more doesn’t make you perfect, on the contrary, it shows you just how imperfect you are and how much there is to work on.

That's what love is.

We call this the summer curse. My birthday is coming up once again. Birthdays  are joyful,  fun and exhilarating. Your day of age becoming older. That dream you had of getting older when you were a kid and having more freedom but in my opinion this birthday was a nightmare  not a daydream.

It all started  that  night.

I was sitting down on the floor with my friends Tori and we were chillin. I had so many people in my room. I wanted to be around Onika but she seen busy in her phone so I didn't want to bother her but until I notice  those signs the smiling and the giggling she was falling in love with someone else so I walk over to her.

“Who is it”. I ask

“What you mean”  she said looking confused

“Who are falling in love with” I asked

“Ummm....”

“Because I see you smiling and giggling.”

“I hate how you know me so well.”

“Yeah I bet you do. So who is it”

“Ummm... her name Lauren”

“Oh ok.... how yall no each other”

“I met her online..... when she said that piss me off. What the fuck you mean you met her online.”

“She's 13”

“What!” I semi yelled

Every time she falls in love with someone it like it gets worst and worst.A fucking 13 girl and you met her online.
Do you know how that make me feel, it makes my low self-esteem increase and all these girl that you run after doesn't even care about you or they can't be there for you cause there not here what are you going to do when you need someone to hug you, kiss you, or say I love you. I guess I was never worth. I was doing so good changing for us but then you tell me this. Have me wondering what did i do wrong all i do is try to keep you by my side, it's so hard to do when the person you want doesn't even want to look at your face or say I love you.Many of my friends tell me look Jhene your relationship with  Onika is not going to work but I refused to listen because I have so much hope and love for this person that I'm blind and foolish.