Genre: Romance
Rating: PG-13
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I. OPENING
1) Cover
I really like the background image and color scheme, but something about the words (coloring, font, outline) just kind of turns me off a bit. For me, the background implies a bit of a more "mature" and "dark" romance, but the font feels kinda happy / fun / girly romance-like. That may just be me, though. Also, the little sub-text part is too small to read with the quality that Wattpad reduces the covers down to and kind of just feels like it clutters up the cover. However, there doesn't seem to be a lot of tie in between the cover and the story. It's a girl in a pretty dress, but unless that dress shows up later on, that's all it is. Just a shiny gimmick to pull in the reader, rather than a real relation to the story.
2) Title
I personally love these kinds of self-contradicting titles. It's not one I've heard before, so I don't think it can get any better than it is, in my opinion.
3) Summary
- "You are the capitals to my heart. You're my start and my end. You're all that I have. My guardian angel." - I think this is a nice little ditty, but it might be improved if you switched "start" and "end", just to make the first two lines rhyme. "You're the capitals to my heart. You're my end and my start. You're all that I have. My guardian angel."
- "Betrayals can leave a nasty scar on your heart. Especially when it's done by the ones who are supposed to love you most." - There is a slight grammatical error here, in how you used "betrayals" in the plural sense but then referred to it in the singular in the next sentence. So you could either make the first sense singular or the second plural, as long as they match.
- "...and if there's one thing betrayals has taught her..." - Same issue as before, you have "betrayals" in the plural sense but the word referencing it ("has") in the singular. You need to change it to either "...one thing betrayal has taught her..." or "one thing betrayals have taught her" so that they match, singular x singular or plural x plural.
- "A superstar and playboy extraordinaire, on the verge of losing himself, caught in a whirlwind of fame and stardom." - This is basically three sections/clauses to an unresolved/incomplete sentence. You have the parallelism between them, but to resolve the sentence, saying like "...losing himself, is caught in a whirlwind of fame and stardom." will resolve it, because the action of the sentence is better defined. The first two clauses would act as descriptions of the person, who's action is to be caught in a whirlwind of fame and stardom.
II. ELOCUTION: PROLOGUE & CHAPTERS 1-2
This is where I work on how to specifically enhance grammar correctness and especially flow. Several of these edits are not grammatically necessary, but will greatly benefit the flow and ease of reading. You personally have every right to decide which edits to take serious note of. A great many of these may be my own personal preference. Use your own discretion, but keep an open mind.
a. Formatting
Chapter 1
- First thing I noticed was that the first and second paragraphs are connected. Almost all the other paragraphs are disconnected by one full space in between them (pressing the "enter" key twice), but these have no space between them (the "enter" key must have been pressed only once. Try to be consistent with your paragraph spacing, and always read through and check your chapter after you post it to catch any mistakes you may have made.
