In all the years I had lived in Washington, I had never even been to this beach. But that's only because I only stayed in the two towns I lived in and never really ventured out. Seth smiled at me as I tried my best to not let my thoughts get the best of me. Summer would start soon and that would mean more free time for us to hang out- but did I really want that? Something in me changed from a few days ago to now and I couldn't put my finger on it. But then I started to think even more about what would happen to us. Would he go to college? Would he stay in state or go out? Would we still be together? My head was just reeling and he must've noticed because he nudged me and asked "are you ok, Ams?"
I sighed and before I could deny my thoughts pestering me he added "and don't try hiding it. What's wrong?" I bit my lip as we sat on a bench facing the water. It wasn't as populated today because the sun hid behind the clouds (like most days here) but it was humid and gross.
"Is it wrong that we're together?" I started.
"Is it anymore wrong than two other people being together?"
"Well, no, but under the circumstances we got together?" I was trying to emphasize where I wanted this discussion to go.
"It wasn't the most ordinary of ways, but there are weirder ways to meet people. Like people meeting through a website, or strangers falling in love on vacation in a foreign land. Despite how we came together, it was meant to be. Don't you think?" He got me with that one.
"Okay, but where is this going? You're graduating this year, and I hardly know you or what you're wanting to do after high school."
"It sounds to me like you're doubting us. If I don't even know what I'll be doing after high school, how am I supposed to tell you? It's ok that we hardly know each other. By dating that's what this enables. To get to know each other more. I don't know much about you either but I want to get to know you on a personal level. I want to know what makes you happy on your worst day, what your hobbies are, who you really are under the facade you create for others to not hurt you. Is that really wrong?"
I paused as I took in what he said. He was right but I couldn't shake the feeling away.
"Are you feeling guilt?" He asked gently.
"I don't know."
"Ams, I really like you a lot. But if you're not comfortable with this then I'll respect your wishes and we don't have to see each other."
"Ashley gave us her consent but I just feel like this is wrong. I really like you too, but there's a spot of conflict in me that I can't explain." I started to tear up a bit.
"Amber, everything will be ok. Whatever you decide, I am ok with." He wiped my tear away as he smiled at me. I returned his smile and hugged him.
"I'm sorry, I guess I was just overthinking."
He chuckled, "it's ok Ams, no harm done. What do you say we get to know each other better over an ice-cream or something?"
"I'd like that, a lot."
We both stood and walked down the strip past all the food places before settling for Spud's and getting fish and chips.
"What beach is this?" I asked as we stood in line waiting for our food.
"You've never been here?" He asked in a bit of disbelief.
"No."
"It's called Alki, I used to come here a lot with my family before my parents split."
"I'm sorry."
"It's honestly better that they aren't together. Jeremy was just a baby at the time and Jared and I were kids. But I have happy memories here, I can't complain."
"That's good. I have happy memories at Salt Water State Park with my family."
"I like to focus on the positive, if I dwell on the past it just holds me back from pursuing new things."
"I like your outlook on life-"
"Order 374! Order 374 your food is ready!" came from behind the counter.
"I'll grab it, pick where you want to sit." He said as he walked away.
I sat by the window looking out to the water, it began to get choppy as the clouds rolled in.
"Sucks how it doesn't stay consistent, huh?" Seth said as he came and sat down across from me handing me my food.
"A bit, yeah. But I guess that's just Washington for you." I laughed.
"Yeah, but it'll warm up soon hopefully."
"So, if you don't mind me asking. What do you plan on doing this summer and next year?"
"I've been working here and there the last couple of years, but I think I'll continue to do that this summer. As for next year, I'm not too sure. I've thought about joining the army since my grandpa is a veteran, and I'd love to help serve my country but if not then I think I'll go to school. I got accepted into Stanford for music but I don't know what I'd do with that afterwards. I don't want an empty degree."
"That's a lot to think about over one summer." I sympathized.
"Yeah, but whatever I choose, I hope to still be with you. What are you planning to do this summer and the next two years of high school?"
"I hope to still be with you too. I honestly don't know. I think just work and hope to get in a good college around here. I would super proud of you if you went to Stanford, or even the army for that matter."
"Thanks, that means a lot- uh-oh." He kinda giggled.
"What?" I asked amused.
"It's um, starting to rain." He motioned his finger to the window, and sure enough it was.
"So much for swimming, huh?" We both chuckled as we finished our food.
"I can bring the car around if you want?" He suggested.
"It's ok, I don't mind getting a little wet. I'll race ya?"
"You're on!"
We both dashed down the road and across the street as I made it to my side before he made it to his. He unlocked the door as we both jumped in quickly laughing. I rested my hand on the middle console and instead found myself reaching for his hand.
He leaned his head on the head rest as I leaned in to give him a quick kiss only to back away quickly out of nervousness. He leaned towards me and gently grabbed the back of my head as he kissed me. Gently he began to nibble on my lip as I stroked his cheek. He then deepened our kiss and reached for my waist as he began to move his hand upwards towards my chest. I broke apart to catch my breath as I got lost in his eyes, smiling and thinking to myself that I do want to be with him. No matter what, and at any cost. He was worth it.
