Maybe I'm not Worthless (A Jimin and BTS fic)

Party II

Suga pov ~

I watched as it felt like everything came crashing down. "I-I forgot it was my birthday," Jimin said in a high panicked voice. "I told you something bad would happen," Jin said. I looked to JB who was as pale as a ghost. I thought he was going to pass out any second. I knew it. Nobody ever believes me when I have a bad feeling.

"You... Kept him? How could you Jimin?" Namjoon asked coldly. "Namjoon just let me explain," Jimin said. "No. Explain? Jimin you lied to us." Namjoon said as his eyes began to darken. Like they did back when we bullied Jimin. But for the first time I saw Jimin fill with this same anger. "Lied? Honestly everyone in this room has lied. Jin lied. I lied. Suga lied. Jungkook lied. Jhope lied. A lot of people knew about this. Sorry you can't put two and two together," he said angrily. "How dare you talk to me like that. I'm trying to protect you," Namjoon said. "Protect me? Namjoon I can protect myself. Just let me talk," Jimin asked calmly. "No. You talk when I tell you, you can," Namjoon said bluntly. "What is this? A communist government? Stop acting like you run the place," Jimin said with little to no emotion at all.

Suddenly,
Before anyone could blink Namjoon lunged at JB. I watched as JB yelled ," please don't!" And ran out the door. Jimin and Jin ran fast out the door also. Before I knew it we were all chasing Namjoon and JB. Jimin having to run a lot in the past almost caught up with Namjoon. I had never seen JB scared but I swear he looked like he was being chased by a serial killer. We made it to the park where Namjoon caught up with JB and tackled him to the ground.

We heard JB scream and beg for Namjoon not to hurt him. Before anyone could catch him Namjoon started punching JB anywhere he could. By the time we got there JB already had a bloody nose and a black eye.

"Back up!" Jimin screamed grabbing Namjoon by the collar pushing Namjoon to the ground.
"Okay I'm gonna speak and everyone else is gonna listen and shut up okay?!" He yelled as everyone went silent. "Oh no," I muttered to Jungkook. "It's happening, the third time," I said. His eyes widened before Jimin opened his mouth once more.

"Do not and I mean DO NOT tell me what to do. Nobody has the right to tell me what I can and can't do. You guys have no idea what I've been through! I've had to put up with 12 years of this garbage and so far I Havnt been able to tell anybody the real details of what's happened to me. Not one person has been here the entire time to know what I've gone through! Why don't I show you a typical day for me before all this "I must make it up to you" crap.
How about this, do you know what it's like to wake up every morning wishing you didn't wake up at all? Every single morning having to go in and cover up the bruises people gave to you the day before? Or how about feeling so hungry every morning but knowing you cant eat because you'll get called fat at school? Feeling that guilt of lying to your mom that you ate when you didn't? Or what about having to go through the back door and through the forest to get to school everyday being terrified because if you take the short route your ex best friends will beat you up in the morning and make you late? And every single morning you walk in those doors people whisper about you just loud enough for you to hear? The rest stare and say nothing. You just want to grab your books and get to class but the members find you. You can't go one day without getting beat up. They slam your locker door and push you against your locker. And these are the people you used to trust with your life. Everyday praying that morning bell will ring before they have time to get those morning punches in. And when the bell does ring you're either bleeding or on the floor. People laugh as they pass you and push your stuff farther away. You get to class but you're always late and getting scolded by the teacher. When you go to sit down, your chair gets pulled from you and you fall to the ground. Your books are pushed off or they slam your face against the desk. No matter what you can't escape. People call you names from across the room and throw things at you. You get a text and you think it's from your mom but another kid at school somehow got your number and is telling you to kill yourself. When that first bell rings you are terrified. You could deal with Zico and Bambam and all of them because they never did anything to you alone that was absolutely unbearable. You have senior math class next with your biggest bullies who you used to look up to as hyungs. As soon as you walk in you're tripped and your papers go flying. They rip your homework you're suppose to turn in that day and taunt you. They tell you that if you killed yourself nobody would care anyways. Eventually after hearing it so much you start to believe that nobody really would care. And when you cry they call you weak and a cry baby. You can't take it anymore and you run away. You spend the rest of the period in the bathroom where you don't think anybody will find you. You cry until you can't cry anymore but somehow they always find you. In comes Yugyeom who laughs and laughs as you cry harder and harder. When he leaves, you curl into a ball and want to end it. As that lunch bell rings you begin convulsing in fear of what's to happen. You get your lunch and sit down alone like always. You have no friends and you just watch as everyone is happily chatting with their groups. You want to eat because you're so hungry. You think 'an apple isn't that bad' so you pick it up. The second you pick it up JB grabs it and throws it in the trash making some fat comment. You're lucky to get out of lunch without something being thrown at your head or dumped on you. Threats or having your lunch money taken away. And when the bell rings for your last two periods you start to pray nothing bad will happen anymore because you've almost made it. When you get in Jackson pushes you against a wall and threatens to beat you to a bloody pulp if you didn't get his homework done the day before. You give it to him to avoid more pain but you didn't have enough time to get yours done. The teacher comes to collect it but she sees you have nothing to give her. You barely pass that class and you know your chances of going into college and escaping this place is already gone. Kyung passes you a note telling you how worthless you are and the teacher sees. She gives you detention and 2 more hours you have to sit in this place. You pray the others were good and didn't get detention. As the day ends and everyone goes home you walk into the class room. There is of course, got7. JB's rich dad picked him up so it's decided Jr is the leader for the day and will do anything to make JB proud. The teacher does role call then leaves locking the door so nobody gets out. They surround you and punch you and kick you and knock you to the ground. They knock the breath out of you and you feel like you can't breathe but they don't stop. There's no way out you just have to take it. You beg and plead and cry and finally they leave you alone while your on the floor bleeding. They promise to do it again if you don't get up before the teacher comes back in. You get in your seat and when she comes you keep your head down so she doesn't notice something happened. You pray she doesn't ask anything because got7 will beat you up again. They leave along with the teacher and you're left alone. You thank god the day is over and you limp out of school. You're almost home when Jhope bumps into you. He gives you this devilish smile and drags you against your will. You're crying in pain but he pushes you to the ground in front of the other bts members. They slam you into the telephone pole and kick you until you pass out. When you wake up you can barely make it home. Crawling up those stairs is pure agony. When you get to your room you lay in your bed and cry. Wondering why you had to go through this. Wondering what you did to deserve it? Eventually your low self esteem will convince you that you do deserve it. You deserve all that pain. You grab your razor blade hidden in a little container under your bed and think about what a waste you are. You drag it across your wrist and as the blood drips down your wrist all the pain you feel washes away. You take pain killers and go to bed hoping you don't wake up and have to do it all over again. Days seem longer and each passing minute feels like hours. Eventually you snap. You can't take it anymore you think 'this is it.' You just don't believe things will ever get better so you go to that bridge. You think that nobody will miss you. You think back to all those times people told you to kill yourself. Most of them used to be your bestfriends. There's nobody there to stop you and you have no friends so who would miss you?You believe the world will be happier without you. Your dad is dead he died of sickness when you were 14. Your bestfriends had just left you when it happened and your mom wasn't even being a real mother till last year and you had absolutely nobody. You think maybe you'll see him again. Your dad. The only person that ever made you feel worth anything, So you want to jump. You don't expect to wake up. You don't expect to feel anything. No more pain. But you never jump. You're too scared. Scared of death but scared to live too. And you see that, that is what I go through everyday. FOR 12 YEARS IVE GONE THROUGH THAT!" he yelled, crying and he fell to the ground on his knees.

"3 YEARS WAS WITH BTS. 6 YEARS WITH GOT7. 12 YEARS WITH EITHER ZICO OR BLOCK B AS A WHOLE. EVERY SINGLE DAY. AS DAYS WENT ON MORE PEOPLE TURNED ON ME. EVENTUALLY I HAD NOBODY," he took a deep breath calming down but the tears were still falling.

"I was so alone. Living in my own head. Begging for somebody to save me but they never did. Whether I was alive or dead I felt empty. Cutting was my only release and then when people saw the cuts they acted like I was a disease. I just wanted to make people happy. To make you guys happy. I disappointed everybody. I'm a disappointment. And I've told people. I've followed the steps they teach you about being bullied but nobody helps. I've gone to therapy, to the school board, to my family, I've tried standing up to you guys and that landed me at that bridge that day. I've never done anything wrong so why was it me who you all decided to hate. IVE NEVER HURT ANYONE!" He screamed.

"I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY. WHY CANT I BE HAPPY?" He yelled. His eyes which were full of sadness was replaced with anger. "YOU ALL EXPECT ME TO BE PERFECT DONT YOU? FIX EVERYONES PROBLEMS. DO THAT YOURSELF. YOU ALL HAVE SECRETS. WHAT HAPPENED TO TELL US EVERYTHING HUH? WHY DONT ANY OF YOU TELL EVERYONE EVERYTHING?YOU SAID NOT TO KEEP SECRETS HUH?" He said closing his eyes and bringing his voice down to a more normal scale.

"Okay well how about this. I'm not the only one going through pain here Namjoon.
Jin's parents died. One got hit by a car and one committed suicide and he's always busy keeping you guys happy when he's been through a lot and nobody even noticed. And I bet you had no clue huh Namjoon. You're suppose to keep all your members safe. And JB, poor JB is abused by his father and when he needed his friends the most they all left him! Friends don't do that. Just like my friends shouldn't of done. Or how about Zico, he has panic attacks all the time and when that happens he sometimes breaks something. That's why he's had trouble with the police. He's not a bad kid but people call the police when somebody breaks something. He was diagnosed as bipolar but he still tries to be the best leader he can be. And you Namjoon, your family left to a different country and won't even call you back. They send you money every month but no note with it. You think they don't even care. You see I know you all inside and out every single one of you because I pay attention. So tell me, how come nobody knows about me? Or better yet eachother? Oh I know. Because you all are self obsessed. You think you're doing it for the greater good but you're not. Nobody gave me a chance to explain or to see that I don't deserve this they just assumed. So all I'm asking is you guys trust me when I say JB is a good person because I gave you all chances you don't deserve. This is the worst birthday I've ever had and I've been sent to the hospital on my birthday so that's a tough thing to beat. I just feel like I can't do this anymore. I'm going home. Obviously none of you really care that I'm on the verge of a mental break down at the moment. Dont tell me it will be alright because it won't. Don't follow me. Bye guys," he said walking away. Leaving us all speechless.

"I can't stand letting other people get hurt period. No matter how much they deserve it," Rang in my head.

A/N dang this is the longest chapter I've ever written lol.