Never After

Chapter 14: Sleeping at Last.

                The machines buzzed around us, and sometimes I swear I could hear his heart beat through it all. And I tried to hold on to that sound even though it was never there. I told Jordan stories of the life that I now knew we would never share. Promises that I could not keep.

Jordan did not have to tell me to take care of myself, he knew that I would. He did not have to tell me to be strong and move on because if he was still here he would know that I would do that in my own time. And he knew that I loved him.

"I guess this is what happens between happily ever after and The End." I say against his cold forehead. I never noticed exactly how loud and deafening the sound of death truly is. It shattered me and I was left in a million rigged pieces.

His death was later described as inevitable. Words of sympathy and condolences were given to me, but it was all still a blur. Even though I still wanted to crawl into bed with him and allow my body to heat his, hoping that it would bring him back. I hoped and prayed that with my life I would be able to bring back his. I wanted to give my heart so that his could beat again.

Close family and friends from Boston and even Minnesota came down and surrounded me with their arms. I cried and screamed for them to let me go but they said that I had to leave. In the end, I allowed them to comfort me.

Now one week later I am sitting in this empty church waiting for the service to start. I was so sure that Jordan and I would spend the rest of our lives together. Years with me being his wife and hopefully later on as a mother. But that time was cut too short. I was giving nothing but losing him.

The pew creaks beside me but I do not have the stamina to see who sits beside me. I thought I was probably just another person coming to tell me everything was going to be okay. And I would have to keep moving forward for Jordan's sake. They all wanted to make sure that I was not going to fall and break. But it is just a little too late for that now.

"It shouldn't have happened like this," Amber whispered curling her hand around mine.

"I know." I whisper back.

"I never knew life was this cruel. I thought after everything, you staying by his side that it would try to make it up to you." She said softly.

"Life is unfair."

"He wouldn't want you to do this alone."

"Don't tell me what he would have wanted," I bit out. "Just because you guys were kind of close does not mean that gives you the right to tell me what he wanted. Nobody knows what he wanted, because he's not here Amber. He's dead."

"I know. I know he's dead and I hate it just as much as you."

Mo, you can't. We were going to get married. Us starting a life together. How am I supposed to tell him goodbye?" My voice echoed throughout the empty church.

Amber threw her arms around me and pulled me close. "You are not alone Jade. You are not alone."

As the service is about to start where I sit is surrounded by those who loved Jordan the most. The ceremony began with pretty words with frequent cries and sobs that ran throughout the church, but I really was not listening to any of it. All I could really focus on was the casket that held Jordan prisoner.

As loved ones began to tell their stories of Jordan I laugh at the good parts and cried thinking that all the good stories of Jordan are just that. Stories.

They looked at me in expectation being the last person to speak about Jordan. As I slowly walked to the front of the church I made a promise. I will do this for Jordan.

"I don't really know what to say. Everything has already been said, about him being a son, a brother and a friend. But I will speak to him as a husband even though we were not married as yet. So I see it fitting to read my vows." Unfolding it carefully I meet everyone's eyes before beginning.

"I will pick you up if you fall, I will always answer when you call. You can trust your heart with me because safe and sound it will always be. I vow to help you with your garden and sing the songs you love to ease your burden because for me there is no greater honor. You hand in mine day after day sounds greater to me I have to say there is no place I'd rather be."

A/N: Well guys the story is over Sorry it had to end this way, but that's life. Everything is not going to be okay in the end. Life is unfair. But we have to deal with it. When life throws you lemons you get back up and say you throw like a bitch.

Love Always-Covy