Safe

It's Saturday

Possible Trigger.

Moving to New Hampshire Count Down: 3 weeks 1 day

I left Ruby's house in such a hurry I forgot that stupid notebook. As long as she doesn't open it, which she probably won't, considering she hates my guts now. I feel bad, I do. I'm not going to lie to her though. Saying those three words. That's lying. Don't ask me why I feel like this. I just know it's what I feel. Just like she knows what she feels. I will give her some time to think about what I said to her. Hopefully she actually heard me. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I didn't think a relationship would be like a game of tug-of-war. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Ruby! Come help us please!"

"It's Saturday! I don't have to interact with you people today!" I yelled from the comfort of my bed. I didn't want to see anyone. Except maybe Ruby. But she wasn't about to come over here.

"Seriously Sky?" Dad yelled from downstairs "You're not gonna help at all?"

"Again, my deepest condolences. But seriously! It is a Saturday."

Sitting on my bed with my phone and my laptop. I had the Office playing and I was scrolling through Instagram.

I really didn't feel like doing anything. Mainly because the one friend I had in the entire world won't talk to me. And because I just don't want to do things today. And that's okay, people can have days where they don't do anything. That's why we have the Saturday thing at our house. I don't know why my family members are being disrespectful to the customs of this household. But I wanna slap a bitch.

"Sky?" My brother was at the door. 

"Nah."

"What? Did you just say nah?" 

I looked at my brother, whom definitely heard me. I couldn't be bothered with his kindness right now.

"Are you okay? That girl hasn't been here in like, 3 days." 

"I'm fineee. Alister. Leave."

"I just wanted to check on you. I do care about you sis. Whether you accept that or not it's there."

I rolled my eyes and return to my screens. People need to stop caring about me so much. I really can't handle it right now. I know that sounds funny, usually people need more support. But me, I get stressed out. For some reason, my body does not accept support. It like with all of their support, I need to be a certain kind of person. A person worthy of their support. And that's really stressful.

Scrolling through Instagram I saw pictures of beautiful girls with long blond hair and skinny legs. I tell myself that their legs and stomach are Photoshopped. No matter how many times I tell myself, I can't help but compare. Looking in the mirror, I'm nothing like those girls.

I waited until I heard Alister go downstairs from his room. I slowly crept into the bathroom. I turned on the faucet and kneeled down at the toilet. I know what I'm doing, but when I get like this, it feels like I don't have control anymore. Before I knew what my hand was doing, I had picked up my toothbrush and began to shove the end of it down my through. I started gagging. Eventually I threw up, and I immediately felt guilty. I flushed the toilet, washed my hands and face, and brushed my teeth. I couldn't see myself in the mirror. I didn't know who was looking back at me. It was the person I felt like I am. I couldn't stand the sight of that person who made themselves throw up. I crumpled to the ground, sobbing.

"Sky? Are you in there?"

I tried to regulate my breathing and swallow the golf ball in my through.

"Yeah." My voice cracked."I'm in here Al. I'll be done in a minuet."

"Are you alright?"

"Fine. Just hang on. I'll be there in a sec."

I rewashed my face and blinked away the tears. I slowly opened the door and Alister was still standing there.

"What?"

"Nothing, Sky. I just needed to pee. Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah!" Didn't he hear me the first time? "I'm fine."

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I know that was kinda short... Sorry.
Thank you for reading!! If you guys ever want to talk to me or tell me how you think it will end, I'll listen!!
Xoxo
~Plant_Girl~