Love With Your Heart Not Your Eyes

Chapter 1: Fresh Start

Chapter 1: Fresh Start

Awaking up: the act of reacquiring consciousness after several hours of being unconscious. Some people spent those 8-9 hours dreaming or looking back over memories. Well, yes, I spend those 8-9 hours looking over memories but not by my choice. I am haunted by the images of my past which are the very things I would love to forget. These memories are constantly playing through my mind, day in, day out.

My therapist says that is kind of a traumatic response to the events I lived through, but I just think it’s a kind of punishment. My Mom would disagree though, she said it wasn’t my fault and that I shouldn’t blame myself but my dad didn’t agree.

Well he didn’t stick around long enough, after the incident, to give me a chance. Guess he didn’t care much for my Mom either seen as he filed a divorce against her as soon as she picked me over him.

He took the money with him to, so we lost the house but that was ok because we planned to move anyway. We couldn’t stay there not after what I did and what people grew to think of us.

So we are trying to make a fresh start, well that’s what my Mom says. She is all positive and optimistic saying that we will be able to leave the past behind and move on. Like the fact that me reacquainting myself with society and a school environment is going to be easy, or even possible.

You see the thing is, after the incident at my last school I was assigned into a ‘special’ hospital. In which I spent 6 months “healing and coming to terms with what I’d done” or locked away to make sure that I was stable, that’s how I see it anyway.

During those 6 months my parents spent most of it fighting, until my Dad called it quits, divorced my Mom and left. But my Mom had already assumed the worst and started looking for a new house, aka an apartment for the 2 of us.

And that is where I am now, in my bed, in our new apartment with a blaring alarm clock near my ear. The ear screeching sound never normal wakes me up because I only sleep a few hours each night. I only use an alarm clock to make my Mom think I sleep longer than I do. She worries too much as it is.

So I can tell you now that I am going to become two different people for the next 2 years of my life: the girl at school and the girl at home. One, who will do everything in her power to not attract attention and hope to pass the years to graduation without any drama, and the other who will try and put on a brave front, for her Mother’s benefit.

I don’t want her to think I am ungrateful, I mean she stuck by me when no one else did, when everyone else recoiled away from me in disgust. When I –

“Honey, are you up? First day of school, remember? A fresh start”

My Mom’s shout was what broke my depressing thoughts, alerting me it was time to leave the comfort of my warm bed and face the world.

Fresh start.

I could feel myself cringing at the very thought, but I knew I had to do it if I was ever to move on and live my life. So with that thought in mind I slowly sat up and looked around my room – my safe haven.

It was mine. From the plain walls to the patterned rug that sat happily in the middle of the laminated floor and my bed, which was pushed up against the wall where my window was located. Black lace curtains framed the window which was adjacent to my full length mirror. My bookshelf was placed by my bedside table next to my bed. Opposite all that was my desk and closet. They were positioned symmetrically against the far wall, next to my mirror.

Ok, I am done with stalling, I said to myself while finally achieving the task of getting out of bed. I pushed the cosy quilt away before standing up and walking, well more tip-toeing because of the cold floor, over to my bedroom door. I opened it and went to the bathroom were I showered and relieved a certain pain in my bladder.

After re-entering my room I aimed for my closet where I picked out my clothes for the day. They consisted of a black turtleneck t-shirt and light blue skinny jeans. I matched them with my lace up black combat boots and my signature black hat that I, now, never leave the house without.

I slipped into the clothes and brushed my hair in front of my mirror. I didn’t bother drying it, it was so short I could just leave it to air dry.

I stepped forward to see my reflection properly and immediately wished I hadn’t.

I sometimes forget it, but it is hard to forget when you are looking straight at it.

The permanently reddened skin started at the right of my forehead and ran down my cheek to my neck. It even entered my hairline.

You know how I said my hair was short; well I had to have half of my head shaved because the acid splashed into my hair and burned the hair follicles. Yes, it grew back over time but when it started to grow it just reminded me of my old self; my old self that I am trying to escape from.

So my hair is now black and in a pixie style hair cut were it is short on the side with my scar on and it is longer, to the point that it reached my chin, on the other side.

I ran my fingers delicately over the scar. With every touch of my finger a new memory came rushing back. My mind was a kaleidoscope of painful memories that threatened to-

“Oh, you are up,” My Mom said as she stepped into my room.

“Erm.... Yeah, I have been up a while” I replied, my eyes frozen to my reflection.

My Mom stepped further in to the room before saying “Ivy, look at me”

“Don’t call me Ivy” I said icily. “You know I want to forget her, I am Morgan now”

“I know” she sighed “It will just take time for me to get used to calling you it”

I put my black hat on, in a way that it would hide some of my scar, before turning around to face my Mom.

“Sorry Mom I shouldn’t have-"

“It’s alright honey, I get it, I mean it’s not like you are changing your whole name your just using your middle name instead” She said while pulling me into a hug.

“Right, enough with the negative stuff, today is supposed to be a good day and to start it off I made you your favourite breakfast”

I felt a smile grow on my face as I followed my Mom out of my room and down the stairs to the kitchen where I was met a wave of buttery goodness. There sat a stack of my favourite blueberry pancakes.

After managing 3 pancakes and a glass of juice I grabbed my school bag and followed my Mom out the front door to the car.

It took us 10 minutes to get to my new school and with every passing second I could fell panic crawling up my throat. I tried to calm myself by talking deep breaths and closing my eyes.

Neither of these worked and by the time we reached the school I was a mess of emotions: fear, nervousness, panic and most of all guilt. The fact that I was going back to school made me think about what happened the last time I was at a school...

We finally pulled up outside my new school ‘KING’S ROSE HIGH SCHOOL’

After the car stopped my Mom turned to towards me before saying “Ok Honey, here we are. Do you want me to come inside with you?”

It took me a few seconds to register the fact that I was being talked to.

“Er.... No, it’s alright I’ll be fine” I forced myself to say when I really wanted to scream ‘PLEASE TAKE ME HOME’, but I couldn’t. I had to move on, and getting out of this car and walking into that school would be the first step.

And that is exactly what I did....

A/N:

Hey again Readers,

Well here is chapter 1, hope you like it!

Again please comment and vote, if you want to.

Love me, love me not.

xXFallingPetalXx

P.S. If you don't understand something's then don't worry all will be explained over time.