Suicidal Love

Chapter Twenty-one

" So How's Everything with you and Brendon? " I ask nudging Allison with my elbow. She blushes.

" Ahh...Everything's okay..we're still not official Yet... " she says tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

" I ship it already. " I smirk " Hmm..do you prefer Brallison or Alldon? "

" Tough. I choose Brallison. " she says with a small smile

We were currently at the mall shopping for...nothing really we just were there to hang out.

" Hey you never told me about your date " I say sitting down at an empty table.

" Oh my goodness don't get me started! " she exaggerates " it was so romantic "

She tells me all about it. It was like a never ending story but I enjoyed every minute of it.

" and last week he surprised me with roses! " she says with pure excitement

" wow " I laugh " you have something special "

" I know! Ugh I just love him! " she says with love in her eyes

" Yeah I get it shut up now " I laugh.

♡

" Is it true that pain is beauty? "

Nothing.

Nothing has stopped me from killing myself. I have no reason to end my life. But I want to stop the heartache, the pain, the past. I've been going to therapy but it's not working.

I've been seeing stuff, like shadows and people. I've been telling my mom, but there's no point. She's always so busy. And even when she's not she's getting rest for the next day.

My father, well he's in jail. Not gonna tell you much but let's just say a fight happened and it got pretty brutal.

I grab my phone and dial the number.

" hello? "

" Hey, are you busy? "

♡

There's a knock on my bedroom door, I open it and quickly pull Dylan in.

" whoa " he says almost falling

" I'm sorry, I just...I need you Dylan " I say desperately

" What do you mean? " he asks

" I need you to take my pain away. " I say playing with the hem of his shirt.

" Are you okay with that? " he asks

" yes.. " I say barley above a whisper

" what was that? " I felt his smirk

" yes " I say a bit louder this time

" Wha- " " Dammit Dylan! Stop Talking "

♡

After that my pain was so what gone, I slept like a baby though. Yeah, no details sorry.

I Look At dylan. He was sleeping peacefully, his hair was messed up, no shirt on. Sexy.

But I felt guilt wash over me. Why? I tried to get rid of my pain even for a minute. I felt like I used him. Did i? Did I use my crush as a...sex toy?

The guilt hit me strongly. I had to apologize, I'd die if I didn't.

I lay on my back and stare at the ceiling. I hate myself. But sometimes I really love myself.

Fuck. My life was a mess. But at least Dylan and all my friends were apart of it.

That just makes it a Beautiful Mess.