Love ,Hate

Breakdown

We were in the car on the way to Gran house.She wanted to see the new baby, and snuggle her.And the kids missed her.

When we got there, she grabbed my hand and told me sternly "watch your back" she said scaring the hell out of me.This was scary "huh what do you mean" I was nervous "someone is out for you to be hurt but dont let them break you" she warned "wait who" I asked her she didnt respond.

My nerves was now bad.Thanks Gran thanks so much thats all I needed right now.Come on add the stress.

Christian was playing with the kids and I just sat away.To be honest I have been distant but who wouldnt if you are having crazy thoughts.

Something was telling me nothing was going on, and another was telling me it is.I dont who or what to beleive Im so confused.

My head was spinning and I felt sick to my stomach."I need some air" I asked getting up taking the keys and going to the car.

Once I got in I drove off to Brooklyn.I went to the place where I dumped Tae's ashes then sat in the sand getting my pretty white sundress dirty.

With all my might I wanted to fight the tears.First Ivan,then Travis Now Christian.The tears came down and I couldnt stop them "I wish I was just up there with you so you could just talk to me and tell me wassup Tae, you have siblings down here that I know you would love, I have a baby to her name is Harmony she is so adorable, mom came back and the lady your with is your aunt tell her I said hi she didnt even show up to my wedding Tae, daddy is alive he helps me out here and there but how can i trust him Tae? How? please Tae give me a sign that your here with me or something I just wanna be with you right now Tae,my dreams were finally coming true, a family and all then this shit happens, when I lost you I went down hill, when I lost grandma,then mom came back and dad IVan played me I fell for Travis and now Christian people are calling me about Christian,when I die I hope they remember all the shit they put me through, help me Tae please?" I cried laying my head back into the sand.

Not caring about anything.A huge waved flew ashore and I stood up "ahhh fuck my life" I cried then looked at the sand.There was a message "Elle, be strong I love you and IM proud of you so is Auntie she says Hi" I read it outloud and tears welmed in my eyes.

Another wave came "dont cry its gone be okay, love you elle -Tae"I read another message."Taella Marie I love you so much babygirl I wish you were here with me thanks for being the light of my life, Everything I do is to make you smile babygirl I promise I will make you proud" I told her with more tears in my eyes.Another wave came but no message.

I just smiled and walked to the car.Finally I got to talk with her one last time hopefully again.The car started and I drove back to Chris house.When I got there they looked at me like I was crazy.

"ma are you okay" TJ asked hugging my legs "yes baby IM fine" I kissed his forehead.I lied to my son, IMmean I was happy that I spoke with Tae.But I was still worried, scared, knowing that sooner or later I would be hurt.

Shit, if this gets fucked up Im.done with Love.Me, TJ, harmony, and christian.Thats all I need.Well that and a drink.

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