Give It All Up For Me

Before The Storm

"She isn't with us anymore..." Kurt said silently. Blaine immediately felt terrible; he knew he had hit a soft spot.

Blaine: Oh, I'm sorry. Where does she live now? I know divorces are hard...

Kurt tried swallowed the lump in his throat, but it stayed there. What was the saying? A frog in the throat? That was what it was like for Kurt.

Kurt: She-she's up there..

He pointed up. Blaine's eyes widened. He knew he was in deep shit now.

Blaine: I-I'm sorry, it's all my fault.

Kurt shook his head slowly.

Kurt: It's not.. It's mine, I can't just get over her death, she wasn't just my mother, she was my friend... my best friend...

Blaine: Do you want to talk about it?

Kurt: What do you want to know?

Blaine: What was her name?

Kurt: Elizabeth..

Blaine: That's a pretty name....

Kurt: Perfect for her..

Blaine: She was pretty?

Kurt: Absolutely beautiful. Looking at her was just breath-taking.. Whenever I got hurt, she would just look at me, and I would instantly get better. I didn't know how she did it, but it worked..

Blaine started thinking. "That explains why your middle name is Elizabeth, you must look like her. You're perfect too, not one thing that has flaws. Beauty and perfection everywhere. No, I can't think like this, it's too soon.."

Blaine: How old were you when you lost her?

Kurt: Eight..

Blaine gasped.

Blaine: How are you and your dad holding up, you aren't bottling up your emotions, are you?

Kurt: No, it's gotten easy as the years progressed. And I just want my dad to be happy, he's engaged.

Blaine: He is?

Kurt: Yes.

Blaine: Do you like her?

Kurt: Yes, but not love. She's a nice woman, she makes my dad happy. I haven't seen him happy in years. So as long as she keeps him happy, I'm happy.

Blaine smiled.

Blaine: You almost make me want to do charity work.

Kurt laughed.

Kurt: And you almost make me want to set fire to your dorm.

Blaine: Woah, when did you get evil?

Kurt: When I met you.

Blaine: Fair enough.

They both laughed. They sat there in silence. It was a peaceful and comforting one, not like the usual awkward ones. Kurt broke the silence with a question.

Kurt: How's your dad?

Blaine sighed.

Blaine: That's a subject I rather not get into.

Kurt: Okay...

Blaine looked at Kurt and completely melted. Blaine took a deep breath and started telling Kurt the full story.

*Storytime*

"Well, ever since I came out, my dad acted strange. He stopped taking me out to see baseball, football, soccer, basically any sports game. He stopped talking to me about anything, there would be any occasional hi and bye there, but other than that nothing. It was like he saw me like his daughter instead of his son. I felt like I was just a disappointment to him, like the son he never wanted. I wanted to change, I tried hard to be straight. But nothing worked... I failed my dad. He was never proud of me anymore, he looked miserable. And because of that it made me miserable, I wanted him to be proud I really did, but he just ignored me. Pushed me away like I was nothing. I-I-I started to c-cut myself. It felt like it was the only thing I could control. I could control how much damage I did, and how much blood would come out. I never cut hard or deep enough to cut a vein or artery or anything, just hard enough for blood to pour out. That is until one night, I just got home and I heard my dad talking to my mom, he was saying about how he hated me being a queer, and why couldn't I just be normal. He started to cry, that was enough to send over the edge, I cutted so deep, that I passed out. A few minutes later Cooper found me in a puddle of blood, and I got sent to the hospital. My dad left for work that night, he never found out that I was cutting myself, only my mom did, but I made her promised not to tell Dad, he would only think of me more as a disappointment. I stopped cutting after that, because I saw how much pain and fear I had caused my brother and mother, it was almost too much to bear. I-I have thought about going back to cutting, but I would stop myself. I couldn't do it, especially since I knew it would cause my family pain. So I suffered through every day of my life until Dalton. My dad finally talked to me, on that day I was at the hospital, he said that the only reason he said he hated me for being gay was that he knew that not many people were accepting, he didn't want me to go through the pain, but he finally understood that him not accepting me was causing even more pain that the bullies had caused. He said he still didn't like the thought of me being gay, but he said he will try to be a father again. I think that was the time when we were a family again..."