I Used To Be

Chapter 9 Part 2

My house was a shitshow. Seemed like things were going down early tonight. Fuck me.

I could hear my dad's roar, followed by a crash. It sounded like he threw a chair against the wall. Wouldn't be the first time. But then I heard Hayley scream. That was not okay. I usually just hid in my room or left the house when Mom and Dad fought . . . but this sounded different. Hayley was just little. To my knowledge, Dad had never hurt her . . . but I didn't know that for sure. And I certainly didn't trust that he wouldn't.

When I entered the kitchen, Dad's hands were around mom's throat. Literally around her neck. I was so used to his raging, breaking things, but I had never seen anything like this before. Hayley was in the doorway screaming and screaming. I didn't even think, I just ran to Dad and grabbed his arms.

"Let her go!" He did, long enough to backhand me. I hit the wall, stunned. It was like the whole room closed into a tiny pinprick of light and muffled sound, stayed that way for a few seconds, and then expanded even louder and brighter than before. Hayley was in my lap. She was sobbing and hugging me. Mom was leaned against the wall, sobbing and coughing. And I heard the front door slam. Dad was gone. It was over.

Mom collected herself and put her arms around both Hayley and I at the same time.

"Girls, go and get some clothes together. We're going to a hotel."

Fuck that.

I felt this completely irrational surge of irritation towards both of them. What had they done to make Dad so mad? But then I saw the half-empty bottle of Wild Turkey on the counter. Oh. He would be back to finish that off for sure. But the thought of staying in a hotel room and listening to Hayley cry all night was not appealing either.

I suddenly had a physical memory of being next to Isabelle today in the studio. The warmth. The safety. I knew where I wanted to go.

"I'm gonna go stay at a friend's." I had no idea if Isabelle would even take me in. Wait a second – what was I thinking? I couldn't spend the night with Isabelle! This had to be the most asinine plan ever. But right then, I didn't care. I needed safety. Warmth. Her.

"Honey, please come with us. We'll be safe in a hotel; he won't know where we are. I promise."

I stood up. "No. I'm going."

"Anna . . "

"Mom," I said in the doorway, over my shoulder, "I can't. I'm sorry," and I walked straight through my room to the side door, my private entrance and exit, and slammed the door louder than I meant to on the way out.