I couldn't really sleep, but I also couldn't get up. I still hadn't had any water, but I was too nervous to get up. I needed to drink, though. I had to fully re-hydrate myself before tomorrow so I would be able to dance. I also knew that I needed to eat today for that same reason. I was desperate to weigh myself again. Could I possibly be less than 102 now? Or maybe that was just a fluke and I'd weigh 103. I knew if I wasn't even strong enough to weigh myself. I was really fucked up.
At some point that day, as I was lying completely uselessly in bed, itoccurred to me that maybe I was actually in trouble. That maybe I really did have a legitimate"eating disorder." My BMI was prettyclose to what was deemed "medically anorexic" for my height. Actually, I think I was like one pound awayfrom that. This meant nothing to mebecause I still didn't believe that someone as fat, sloppy, and lazy as mecould ever be "anorexic." Anorexic meantperfect; perfectly thin, perfectly controlled, perfect. Not me. I could never be that good. Maybea gross, sloppy bulimic at best, but no, I was definitely not good enough to beanorexic.
YOU ARE READING
I Used To Be
Novela JuvenilWhen Anna is accepted into the prestigious Virginia Academy of Ballet, it looks like all of her dreams are going to come true. Anna's dance training, however, is complicated by the fact that she is struggling desperately to survive being a person s...
