I want to be lovely.
I want to be something that people wish they were. I want to be that girl that has a never ending amount of people that care and won't ever leave your side. Rather than being the one that's invisible. Just the friend of someone that you know. The one you think, oh she doesn't seem that interesting or even wanting to get to know each other. So you just leave her. Feeling lonely and lost.
I don't feel worth your love, or his. I don't feel I am even worth being in your presence. So those times when I lose myself in thought, and don't except any of your kindness, it's not because I don't want it. Because believe me I do. I feel that I don't deserve it one bit. And I wonder, why do people stay with me? I am not of any interest. I will make mistakes, I will ruin things. But there is one thing I know I can promise. I won't leave you. I will stay by your side and do literally anything to make sure you stay happy. Because I know how the opposite feels.
I spend days in my room laying on the floor, thinking of how I could've done better. How I could've made better choices. How I could've not even lived this life. Sometimes I wish nothing ever even happened.
I can only find one purpose in my life. And it is making sure the people I love don't end up like me. That's what I dread I don't want anyone to ever get to my point. Because I don't see a way out. But if I can help them before they even get even close I can prevent it entirely. I will not let them hurt. No matter what. They may not understand now. But maybe someday they will. They will see the beauty in their souls and know that, no matter who they are or what they do, they are more than beautiful.
I see a beauty in people some others can't. I'm not saying I am special because I am very well not. I mean I know why people do things, even the worst things. I understand I know. Because I know what pain is. I know the things it can cause you to do. I know you can get desperate. I'm not saying that you can do anything. Because you can't. But I get why. I do. Even people I don't even know I see the hurt right in their eyes
The thing about eyes is that you can tell a lot from them. You see hurt, happiness, sorrow, anger, beauty, in every person's eyes. It's not a thing you really think about. But next time you wonder how someone is. Just look at them in the eyes and you'll see. Beauty doesn't just come from your face, or personality. It comes from the soul. So when I say you are beautiful, don't tell me I'm wrong. Because I can see it. And why would I lie, if I didn't think so.
