Oh how drained I am. Thoughts in my mind are lost in which direction they may go. Time is moving but it is leaving me behind. I'm not quite sure what I am waiting for. The moment where the screaming turns into laughter, and the sadness becomes pure joy. The day that this nightmare will seize to exist taking all it's horrors with it. There's a difference between trying and doing. And what I've noticed is that we often say we will just try, try to be positive, try to work on things. Instead of just doing. And that is something I have found myself almost always repeating. Maybe if we all just paused and thought, am I really doing my best, or am I just slowly dragging through? And there will most definitely be times when you can't be the best and you aren't the one that is at the top of the hill. But what really matters is if you threw everything down, and gave it your all. Because after that, what more can you do?
I've spent too many hours, putting up with these monsters in my head screaming at me to run. To run away from the world to hide from everything that's ever existed. Because I never get a chance to breathe. I am constantly drowning in a bottomless ocean tied to an anchor that keeps me floating down into just a giant nothing. And it gives me agonizing pain when you just sit there and watch, ignoring my cries for help and just wave it off like I am not something of need. Am I? Do you reach out your arms and promising me of the never ending place of peace and beauty the only world that I know safe? Or do you like now, just sit and lock yourself into a box that I will never be able to open because the key it left inside only to be opened by you?
I have now lost my energy to keep chasing you endlessly. So darling, I'll be here. I'll be sitting my own meadow encased by flowers laying in the middle, them rising taller than myself, making a cage of my own. The difference between you and me is, that I have no key. Because it is gone, and do you want to know where it is? I share the same key as you, and it is within your encasement. You will be the only one to really fix me. But until then. I'll spend my time watching the birds fly over, going where they please, never stopping for directions, because they know, they are forever free. And you know " If You're A Bird, I'm A Bird" so darling I'll be waiting for your choice, for the day we will both finally be free.
