Sadness. Sadness is an old friend of mine. That has now found a home in the depths of my mind. When I'm not sure what to do I come to you my friend, sadness. They say your friend will comfort you when you are lost in despair. But you sadness, you just add fuel to the flame. Sadness is not a good friend. Sadness doesn't know how to help, only to make it worse. And sadness doesn't want to help. Sadness wants to watch me burn. Sadness controls me. Sadness doesn't allow me to ask for your help. Because sadness wants me to loose.
Sometimes I find a crack in the sadness, and I find small ways to reach out my hand. But darling you never understand. You don't see, that all those little things, actually mean something.
But that's okay, sadness has already taken over anyway. And now I am trapped. In a world you may never see. Because I can't let you in. I keep on letting you down. Because the sadness doesn't go away. And you are trying to make it drown. Well darling can't you see? The only way to help me is to just love me.
Is that possible? Can I be loved? Can you look at me despite what I see with all the horror of ugly and worthlessness. And actually see something that I can't because I don't understand how you could look at me and possibly ever see something close to beautiful. I am not lovely. I am not lovable. So tell me why. Tell me why you stay. Why you stay despite the fact I'm an absolute mess. I am not worth your time..
But I want it. I want to be with you, I want to be loved and I want to love as well. But sadness controls me. And I hope someday you'll be able to break me free.
