I do the things I do with great thought, because what I have learned is that going through with just a sudden idea can be very dangerous, and it was. I took the time to pause and question what I was dealing with. And I had let some feelings out. You have told me not to worry, but what you don't know dear is that is very not possible. You're on my mind every day. Whether you sneak yourself in or not, I always have you present. Whether you're standing next to me, in a memory, communication, or my thoughts. You'll always be a part of me. Because my favorite part of life is you. I know we may become distant in the time that passes but I will accept that. I know you may slowly drift away but what I do have is the memories and I know that I can never stop talking to you because I always want to hear what you had to say. Besides it being nonsense it's still rather important. I will walk on this type rope alone if I need to. But know you're always welcome to join. I'll always love you. I am not going away. I've made my promises and they may be the only ones is this world to be kept. But someone in this world has to at least keep one. Because I've seen so many broken promises along with broken hearts. And fallen empty faces. I'm not always going to be okay. I will hit that wall hard again. But I'll find another way to walk around it.
I slowly walk in circles as I scream from what lungs from what has been done. I'll be tortured by being stuck in a place I can not get through. That is the what the world has made things to be but I will sit here and slowly hit the targets as I continue to drift to a sleep that will never come forth. The stars will guide me to the wonders in my life for they are the things between us. I know that I will sit in my world created inside of my mind, that surrounds around me as I think. The one that can't help but thinking of what I have done. I can not stop looking into the eyes of the ones I have loved, and see what I have broken. I know I have caused great fear and grief due to these nightmares that have come to be true. And I can never apologize for what damage I have made, inside of their souls, because I can still not fully apologize to myself. I still have the constant wars in my mind that depict on what this will come to be.
I can't stop writing this slow coming tragedy that I have brewing slowly in the depths of the hell. I have little glimpses of things I wish to be true and I will never stop hoping for them. But there are no promises made, I cannot take a black marker and write out this future. I will never be able to see what is coming towards me.
