New beginnings have started. Another tally goes on the years, the years of my life hovering between living nightmares, reality, and what horrors are inside my mind. My days of living were almost condensed into a lot less then what would be the norm. I have looked death in eyes, more times then I should. But the thing about it, is that it was by my own hands, that wet to become blood covered by the weapon created inside my mind. That soon became to be real so that I could damage even more than I had already done. And cut myself into pieces, so I can finally watch myself lay there in pain, suffering until there was no more breath to draw. I found so much pleasure in my own pain, and I still fun it hard not to. But with this new chapter in my life I need to try to rewrite some of my ways, even though I know how prone I am to picking back up the blade. What I realize is that if I yearn for something I have to go out and chase it. Because when I sit in my corner screaming from inside out about the searing pain inside of me, it doesn't give me relief. It just causes me to sit longer with it. If I want get back to that place of this travesties demise, that you built so strong and tall. I need to go looking for it for it inside of just expecting it to appear.
