ʟᴀ ᴛʀɪᴩ // 𝐠𝐧𝐫

21 - Hopeless

Narrator's POV

"Leave me the fuck alone!" Effy screams for the thousandth time today, as her back is pressed against the door of Saul's dark room.

Decadence.
Melancholy.
Pain.
Sadness.

That's what Effy has been feeling for the past five days, since the day she left Duff alone in his room.

What she thought she had left in Portugal the day she entered in that jet with William was back. The feeling of decadence and sorrow was back.

Effy fell again.

But this time, she didn't let anyone push her up.
She refused to see anyone and everyone was worried about her.
Effy changed her attitudes. There was no more the Effy who liked to party and go to bars have fun. That Effy disappeared.

The only person who can still see her and be with her is Saul.

The poor guy has been trying to take her off of that dark hole where she's been hiding but everyday he gets out of the room with a failed mission.

She refuses to get out of the room.

Her addiction got worse too. Coke was nothing. Now she has something even better, heroin.

With her back against the door, she cries. She just cries.

Crying with a reason has been what Effy has done every single day. She just cries and don't feel the time pass by.

She feels so empty. The emptiness only one person can fill but she refuses.

She can't let a guy get into her like that.

But the thing is, he already did and there is no way back.

She needs him as she needs her 3 hits of heroin per day.

Not even heroin can replace him and that, makes Elizabeth so fucking frustrated.

The only way she could get out of this state was accept reality.
Effy has to accept the fact she's in love with Duff and without him, she'll die slowly from her stubbornness.

Elizabeth denies the fact she needs Michael but there's a reason for that: fear.

The fear of love is too big to accept her fate.

"I can't, I can't, I can't" Effy mumbles under her breath to herself.

She can't give herself to a guy. If she does, what will happen when she leaves?

She just has more 15 days until she goes back to Portugal.

The best option was deny it, so it won't be so difficult when she leaves.

But denying is it's so difficult already, it brings so much pain making Effy feel so helpless.

"Elizabeth..." She hears a voice from the other side of the door call her name. But it wasn't just another voice, it was his voice.

She remains silent and looks at the digital clock in front of her. 1:21 am. At this time, everyone was already out of the house partying. It was her favourite time of the night and day. With everyone out, she could find so peace without everyone asking her if she was ok or if she needed something.

After a long period of time buried in the silence, her voice cracks, echoing through the room. "Michael..."

"You need to get out of the room, Effy..." His voice is hoarse making Effy confused. It looked like he had a lump in his throat ready to turn into tears.

And it is truth. Duff has in fact a lump on his throat, and in just mere second can turn into tears rolling down through is cheeks.

What Effy doesn't know is that she's not the only one who's a wreck. Since the day Effy left his room, Duff has felt like shit. He knows he needs her. He wants her.