ʟᴀ ᴛʀɪᴩ // 𝐠𝐧𝐫

12 - Stupid

I'm lied down on Saul's bed under the warm sheets. I feel so stupid. I never felt stupid in my life. What the fuck is happening to me? Is Duff a wizard and am I under some spell? This is stupid.

I haven't seen any of the boys yet. I don't see Saul since he left the bathroom for me to take a shower. I look at the clock on the night stand and it says 9:47 am. So early, why?

I know what I need. I need a fix.
I jump off the bed and run to my suitcase. There are at least 3 little bags with magic white powder. I grab one and snort it all.

I don't feel that adrenaline of the hit anymore. I think that I'm so addicted to this shit that I don't feel it anymore, but I still need it for living. Cocaine sucks. Alcohol sucks. I suck. I hate myself.

I need vodka.

Saul once told me that Duff is a vodka fan and always has a bottle of it somewhere. I don't know where the fuck he saves it, but I'll find it.

He probably has it on his room, but that will the last place I'll go because I have no fucking idea which room is his.

Walking through the house I start looking for the blottle but it's no where to be seen.

Why do I feel so stupid? On the first place, I don't even know why I wanted to kiss him so bad, and second, I can't even understand why I couldn't kiss him. I feel weak with his presence, I've never felt like that before. I'm the one who puts guys weak and blushing.

Fuck.

Oh, wait, is that a bottle of vodka? Oh, yeah. I take it off from some cupboard in the living room and I sit down on an armchair and start drinking.

Time went by, passed through me and I didn't even notice. I was feeling so empty and emotionless, like I wasn't here. My mind went way and left my body behind. I want Saul. He always knows how to bring me up and change my mood. That's why I love him so much. I love William too, but our friendship is different.

"Holy shit Effy, I didn't know you were here." William says, getting in the room jumping. I think I did scare him, but he scared me as well.

"I didn't even know I was here." I say, before taking a drag from my forgotten cigarette that was burning between my fingers.

"What's up?" He asks, sitting down on the armrest of the armchair where I'm sat on.

"Nothing much." I sigh and take some more spins of vodka.

"What's wrong?" He asks with concern. What do I say? I don't even know what's wrong. Play it cool Eff, don't panick.

"Nothing, just chilling..." I say. Ok, change the subject, change it. "So, what are we doing today?" I ask, smashing the cigarette butt on the ashtray after taking the last drag of it.

"I don't know" He says and tilts his head down. "But I know what we could be doing..." He whispers in my hear, teasing.

"Would you like to show me your room?" I tease, looking at him with a sly grin.

***

William showed me his room, and we did more than some talks. Do I feel better? Maybe. I don't know. I just know that after an hour of sex I crawled back to Saul's room and lied on his bed.

Am I losing the control of my life and myself? I don't know what I do anymore. I drink, I sort coke and I have sex. That's its. That's my life. I don't need anything else.

"Sup Effy." Saul says, stepping inside the room with a box in his hands.

"Where the hell have you been?" I ask, trying to sound mad. "You left me here alone, all by myself." I say and he chuckles.

"The boys were home."

"I noticed." I say, remembering the episode with Duff and the sex with Axl. "But I've missed you." I groan.

"I know babe." He chuckles once more and sits on the edge of the bed. "Look what I bought for us." He hands me the box and I open it.

"OH MY GOD LICOR CHOCOLATES!" I sequel.

"I tould you that one day we would eat licor chocolates together." He says, taking a chocolate after me. "Effy..."

"Hmm"

"I've missed you. Like a lot. It was unfair we had to leave so soon." He says furrowing. To be honest, I never thought I would become friend with them. When William asked me to hangout out with them I didn't make it a big deal. Yeah, before they asked, I thought it would be cool and they looked nice and stuff, but I never thought it would really happen. Nor I thought after that night become a good friend of them.

"Yeah, me too. It really was." I agree and continue eating chocolate in silence.

"Had Axl ever told you that we though about tagging you along with us on tour?" He asks fast not making eye contact.

"No, he didn't."

"It was actually my idea. He agreed but our manager didn't let us. It was unfair because Steven tagged a girl." He says, looking upset. "Do you believe that the girl gave up on college to go with him? They say they are in love."

"What matters is that I'm here now, right?" I ask, squeezing is hand. I don't know if I would accept their offer, because of the store. But if I'd know what I know nowadays and if they'd offer me to go with them I didn't think twice.

"I regret I didn't." He says. I hate see him like that. We should be partying, not depressing around like teenagers.

"Why do you say that?" I ask kindly.

"Nevermind" He says, shaking his head and setting up from the bed.

"Let it go. We should be partying. Let's party. Please." I beg, setting up and grabbing his hand.

"Sure thing we should." He gives me a smile and I grin back.

A/N: hello friends, there you go a new chapter.

Effy, what's wrong with you? Where's the girl that teased all the guys and left them with nothing much than a sly grin?

Is this consequences of depression? Love? Hate?

Tell me what do you think about Effy's actions and about the story in general. Do you think this is an interesting story? I hope so.

That's all for today, I hope you enjoyed and keep reading.

Vote, comment and eat pizza because there's never enought pizza ^-^