Fifty Shades Bound

Chapter Thirty-One

He sits there silently, clearly unsure what to say. I cross my arms over my chest, waiting for whatever good excuse is bound to come. I try to read his facial expressions, but get no where. When he says nothing, I turn around and storm out. 

"Ana, wait!" He calls behind me. 

I walk as quickly as I can to the nearest bathroom and before I have time to close the stall door, I drop to my knees and let everything out. I cough hard, leading me to vomit again. I try to sit up, but can't. I feel weak. The tears come faster than I can stop them and seconds later I'm full out sobbing. Why did he have to do this to me? Does he not realize it hurts so much? I cry harder, holding my belly. I'm fucking pregnant and he goes to her? My heart feels like it's breaking. 

I suddenly feel arms wrap around me and turn to find Christian kneeling beside me. I don't have the energy to push him away so I let my head rest against his chest and continue to cry.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry," he murmurs over and over again. I can hear the regret in his voice. I manage to look up at him and manage just one word through the tears.

"Why?"

He looks down for a few seconds before looking back up, and what I find when I look in his eyes shocks me. His eyes are welling with tears, making my heart break even more.

"I just...I have so much going on and I'm so overwhelmed with work and thinking about being a new father and finding Hyde and I just can't do this," he says quietly.

"I feel like I can't talk to you about my problems because you already have so much going on and enough to worry about and I don't want you more stressed out because it's not good for the baby. Work is kicking my ass. Nothing is working the way I want it to. I'm losing money on projects and I feel like we're getting no where. Then there's Jack and I can't stand the fact that I can't find him anywhere. He's no where, Ana! He's disappeared. How can I make you safe when he's out there? And then I'm supposed to become a father in a few months and I have no fucking clue how to be one or what to expect. I just didn't feel like I had anyone to talk to so I went to her. I'm sorry. I've betrayed you. I've let you down," he continues, a tear slipping down his cheek.

I can barely breathe, watching him break in front of me. I've never seen him so distressed. I reach up and stroke his hair. I bring his head down to me and hold him, just like he did to me seconds before. I'm angry, sure, but I never realized how much was on his plate. He hides it well.

"Christian, I love you. You can tell me what's bothering you, pregnant or not. I want to be there for you. You're my husband, for gods sake. I may not understand what you're going through, but I'll listen to anything you have to say. Talk to me, okay?" I say gently. 

I feel him nod his head against my chest. I hold him closer for what feels like hours. Eventually he lifts his head up and kisses my forehead.

"I'm going to make it up to you, I promise. Going to her like that...I don't want you to let this go. I should have to make it up to you," he says, standing up, pulling me up with him.

"You are definitely going to make it up to me," I tell him. He gives me a short hug before leading us out of the bathroom. He turns around and pulls me to him once more.

"Let me grab my stuff and we can go home together," he says. I nod and watch him walk back in the direction of his office. I wipe my eyes again to make sure it doesn't look like I've been crying. Christian sharing what's been bothering him was eye-opening. Here I've been, being suspicious and skeptical, yet he's been struggling and felt like he couldn't come to me. It hurts, but I know I can move on. He'd never try to purposefully hurt me. I walk back to his office and find him waiting for me at the elevator. 

"Ready?" He asks. I give him a small smile and nod, walking into the elevator with him. I reach for his hand and grasp it tightly. This isn't the last of this conversation. I'm sure we'll be up late talking, but I'm okay with that. His problems are my problems, and I'm going to figure out how to be there for him. 

The doors close, giving us privacy. I turn to him and find him already looking down at me.

"Tell me you'll forgive me. Not now, but one day," he silently pleads. I stare at him before smiling.

"One day, but you'll have to earn it."

"I will work to earn it the rest of my life if needed," he tells me earnestly before leaning down to kiss me on the lips. I savor the kiss. Yes, he hurt me, but he also needed me and felt that I wasn't there for him. I've been distracted recently with both my job and Blip. I need to make it up to him as well. 

"I love you, Mr. Grey," I tell him. He smiles against my lips and deepens the kiss.

"I love you more, Anastasia Grey."