My Depressive Mind

Safer Alone

10 more
I found a new blade and broke it in
I did it in the bathroom this time
Everyone was out to eat
I cut even deeper
There are a few now that aren't just a line like the others, rather, they have a gap where the skin was split
I cut and then watched as the warm blood quickly ran down my arm and dripped into the sink
It reminded me of tears running down my face
It makes sense
My arm weeps from the pain I cause
And my eyes weep from the pain the world causes
I'm just passing it on
That's all
Nothing more
But not to another person
Not anymore
I'm rebuilding my walls
They'll be stronger this time
Thicker layers of distrust
...of fear
I'm going back to when I kept it all to myself
I was stronger then
I will be again
They can't help anyway
They don't care
They might've at first but not now
They got impatient
Sick of my constant whining
...complaining
...crying for help
I don't blame them
I'd get sick of me too
I already am
It's just selfish of me to expect them to always be there
I can't believe I thought for even a SECOND that anything would be different this time around
It's always the same
They care at first
They're always there at first
They listen at first
But then they get bored
Or annoyed
Or tired
And they leave
So why not just cut out the painful middle part?
If I'm alone
I'm safe
From others at least
But not from myself
Oh well
At least they won't be forced to put up with me