My Depressive Mind

Self Destruct

My heart has broken and repaired itself beyond recognition
My mind has painted itself too dark to erase
My spirit has been beaten down so far it is scared to rise
Yet I carry on and say I'm fine
Why?
Why do I continue?
Why do I get up and go through that strenuous routine day after day?
When I could end it all so very easily
Am I afraid?
Maybe
But maybe not
Would they miss me?
Maybe
But maybe not
I am stuck
There is no escape from the prison I have unknowingly built for myself
I only recognized these walls for what they were once it was too late to tear them down
These very walls created to keep me safe have just penned me in
And so I am stuck
Stuck behind the self hatred and distrust
Stuck behind the uncertainty
Stuck behind the unwillingness to let others in to help save me from myself
After all surely they do not care
At least that's what they tell me
My demons
My monsters
My jail keepers
They feed on that self loathing and distrust
That uncertainty
That unwillingness
And they grow
I did not mean to feed them
But I did
So in the end it was not the world that destroyed me
It was me
It was all me