Queen

Guilty Conscience

Chapter 17 | Guilty Conscience

Carter wrapped his arms around Sabrina's waist and kissed her shoulder. Since coming back he couldn't keep his hands off of Sabrina. He felt like he'd forgotten the little things about her body; even the things he loved – like the three small moles on her shoulder in the shape of Mickey Mouse's head.

It was hard for him to not undress Sabrina right now and make love to her, but he wasn't going to push her into something that she wasn't comfortable with no matter how much he wanted it. He was learning that he didn't want to hurt Sabrina and would rather have himself suffer than to hurt her any type of way if he had the ability to stop it. But just hard as it was for him to contain himself, it was also just as hard for Sabrina.

She wanted his body close to hers. She wanted to join their bodies together and never separate but the guilt was eating her alive. She wanted to tell him everything that happened since he left but she was afraid of losing him. The abortion itself was bound to get her heartbroken, but her reasoning behind it would make it worse not only for her but for Chris as well.

She continued to stare at the traffic that was just starting to get heavy since it was five and most people were getting off of work. Watching traffic was what she'd been doing more often to help deal with her conscience.

"I love you." Carter whispered into Sabrina's neck before resting his head on her shoulder.

"I love you too." Sabrina said back automatically as she continued to watch the traffic. She meant the words but her responses recently have been automatic. She knew the thing that she needed to do was to tell Carter the truth about everything that happened while he was gone, but she couldn't. She'd rather be buried in guilt than to lose Carter over a mistake that she has been regretting ever since she'd made it.

Sabrina regretted removing both of the fetuses that was growing in her uterus. It was with retrospect that she'd realized that twins ran in Carter's family and not Chris' so they were bound to be Carter's children, but now there was nothing that she could do. Everything in her life seemed as if it was going down the drain and there was nothing she could do to fix it.

"Then tell me what's wrong." Sabrina, caught in the middle of her thoughts, couldn't process what he was asking of her.

"What?"

"If you love me, tell me what's wrong. Ever since I came back you've been acting different." Carter stopped talking to give Sabrina a chance to speak, but when he realized that she wasn't going to use the opportunity to talk he prodded. "Is it Robert?"

Sabrina continued to stare off into the traffic, but replied curtly with a 'no'. She'd wished it was about Robert. It would've been easier to let Carter realize the territory that he was stepping on was sensitive, but she was tired of lying. Tired of holding in the truth. She needed guidance and the person whom she'd usually turned to with her problems was in the heavens and wouldn't be able to reply back until the next time she sees him in her dreams.

"Is it your parents?" Sabrina simply shook her head. "Brittany?" She continued to shake her head with her eyes still glued to the cars. "Is it me?" Sabrina shook her head again before releasing a breath and facing Carter.

"Just know it's not something anybody did besides myself but I can't tell you Carter. Please respect that."

"Will you ever tell me?" Carter questioned looking into her eyes and reading them like the back of his hand. He saw the sadness embedded into her brown eyes but also saw something that he couldn't put his finger on. "Was that guilt?" Carter questioned as he continued to stare into her eyes.