Pillow Talk

Unsung Heroes

Once again Jamie approached his apartment with apprehension. While Eddie assured him time and time again things were okay between them after yet another blow up over work, part of him was scared he'd find her packing her bags again or worse. After the drama of the day, Jamie needed Eddie more than anything. He held his breath as he opened the door relieved to find Eddie stretched out on the couch, sound asleep.

Jamie didn't want to wake her, he knew she had been tossing and turning the last few nights in the wake of their blow out. He could feel her unease but hesitated to hold her. Eddie had been struggling a bit since her father's birthday and all of the goings on with her administrative hearing. She had shied away from him a few times, Jamie wanted to give her space.

Tonight, was different. Jamie just learned that not only was his Sergeant facing mortality and having to leave the department without benefits to care for his family, but his own brother was being impersonated and stalked by a serial killer. Add to that, his father's embarrassment at Nikki's college, it made for a stressful week.

Carefully, Jamie brushed back Eddie's golden hair and kissed both her eyelids until they fluttered. "Hey, what time is it?" she asked groggy.

"A little after midnight," Jamie replied. "I was out to beers with Danny and we ran into Lieutenant Gormley of all people. It was a rough night."

"Did you get into trouble?" Eddie asked wiping sleep from her eyes. There was something unsettling in Jamie's demeanor.

"No, no it's not like that," Jamie replied. "Gormley let it go with a warning for me. It's Sergeant Mulvey that's in real trouble Eddie. He's sick, he's dying of cancer. That's why he was so reckless." Jamie hung his head. "I didn't see it, I didn't think to question it, I just lost my temper."

Eddie slid her arms around Jamie, "I know you did. You're doing that a lot lately honey. Please talk to me about why. You are always telling me to find another partner. Are you upset with me as a partner, a girlfriend?"

"Eddie, no," Jamie held her tight in his arms. "No it's not you at all, it's me. It's all me baby. I'm just frustrated with so much. I'm not making any progress anywhere, not in my career, not in therapy, not with you. I'm stuck in such a rut and now someone we work with daily is in far worse shape that I am and still I'm having trouble coping!"

"All right," Eddie replied. "All right, take a deep breath. This is about more than what's happening to Sergeant Mulvey and it's about more than a stagnant career, which you are fixing by studying for the Sergeant's exam. Talk to me."

Jamie sighed and buried his face in Eddie's chest. Sometimes being Jamison Reagan was incredibly hard. "There's a maniac impersonating Danny. Thomas Wilder, he's killed God knows how many women and now he's rented an apartment and bought a boat in Danny's name. Earlier the boat exploded. There's were I was so late, having beers with him. He threatened the boys and Linda too. Danny's marriage is already handing by a thread."

"What?" Eddie was surprised to learn this. "I'm shocked. I always thought Danny and Linda were like liver and onions."

"It all came out tonight," Jamie sighed not wanting to move from his place near Eddie's breast. "Linda's not been the same since the shooting, she's been seeing counselor but...The counselor is turning the tables on Danny, making him feel like it's his fault and that kind of thing. Danny's already blaming himself for it, he doesn't need more guilt on top of it, it makes him angry and it makes him reckless. Eddie, honest to God, if I lost Danny to this job too..."

Eddie started to rock, Jamie was coiled like a rattle snake, no wonder he was jumping at her and not thinking about the motivation behind someone' s action as deeply as he usually did. "You need to relax. Danny is tough and he is smart. He is going to be just fine. You will get to your breakthrough soon, and then we can go to dinner together in pubic without driving to Westchester or Long Island. After, we'll go to family dinner together...we can start all our own traditions. You will work hard, because you want this. You want us."

Jamie sat up, "I do. You know I do. I want all of us, all there is. I love you so much and I need you so much."

Eddie ran her hand through Jamie's hair. "I need you too, and I love you too. Whatever is happening we have to talk to each other. It hurts when you go quiet and snap at me like you were doing. It's not healthy Jamie."

Jamie nodded, "I'm going to grab a beer, do you want something?"

Eddie nodded, "Yeah, but he's getting a beer."

While Jamie was gone, Eddie got the couch ready to snuggle. They had made promises to each other about not letting their jobs interfere, they had slipped a few times but Eddie wasn't going to do that tonight. When Jamie returned she waited for him to sit before curling into his side, rubbing his chest.

"Maybe we can do something" Eddie replied. "For Sergeant Mulvey and his family. A collection or something. We raised money for a total stranger, surely we can do that for a brother in blue."

Jamie smiled, "No wonder I love you. You try so hard, you love so much."

"I just want to make things better than they were when I found them," Eddie replied. "I guess it's my way of paying things back somehow. I had a lot of privilege growing up at other people's expense. Least I can do is dedicate my life to service and try to make other's lives better."

Jamie's arm tightened around Eddie's shoulders. She laid her head on his chest, his heart beat was steady and true. They had their struggles that was for certain. Being partners on and off the job was not easy, most probably couldn't make it work as long as they had if at all, but they did it, day and day out there were there to support one another on and off the streets of New York city.