ANOTHER CHANCE

Back to Charms and Anger

Love is not easy, well that's an understatement. I miss Austen, I miss hugging him, I miss listening to his heart beats when I hugged him, I miss the way he smiles and looks at me but then remind myself that it was all a game. He didn't smile at me because he liked me or any other shit, he smiled at my foolishness.

Rubbing my eyes I get out of the bed and get ready for another hectic day. When I'm dressed I take out my phone, which I switched on yesterday after coming back home, and text Shale.

Where are you? I'm ready.

Shale had promised me that he'd help me get into school and not run away again, but I had one class with Ethan and Liana and one with Austen and one with Calvert. Oh, the joy.

My phone vibrates in my hand as I put on my flats. Looking at it I roll my eyes.

Down you fool. Eating omelet. Your mom is such a sweetheart.

Picking up my bag I head downstairs and see Shale eating like a pig. Typical pig.....

"Get up you douche or we'll be late." I say hitting him on his head. He glares at me and says, "Dwon dwistub mwe, Im'e ewatng." I hit his head once again and say, "First of all I didn't understand a word you said and please can you not talk while you are hogging, it's gross." He flicks the bird at me and continues eating.

*********

"Hey." Calvert says as he sees me sitting on my place. I ignore him as I shut my eyes tight and wait for the teacher to come in.

"Ella, please talk to me." He says as I fist my hands. I feel a hand griping my fisted hands and open my eyes. Pulling my hands out of Calvert's I stand up and face him.

"Leave me alone Calvert. If you aren't happy enough after what you did then fucking tell me. I'll stop coming to school here and go somewhere else." Saying that I pick up my bag and am about to move to another desk when he grabs my wrist and says, "I love you, Ella. Please. I really, really do."

I love you, why do people use these words as if it will fix anything and everything. It's not a freaking bandage. It is not going to hold me together. If anything, it was these three words that ripped my heart in the end. The first time I said those words to a boy was when my heart was ripped apart. Those three words, which any girl wants to spill from a guys mouth, the words that shows you how much you mean to them, these were the words that made me hurt the most. It stung, it bruised me- my entire being and caused my heart to spill all over.

I snap out when his palms rest against my cheeks. I pull away, "You love me? That can't be because if you loved me you would have the guts to come and ask me out, you wouldn't want me to be in pain so you could apply bandages on it, you wouldn't watch me being painted once only so you could wash me and paint me again, you wouldn't let me fall to pieces to glue me back. So, no Calvert you don't love me. You can't love me because whatever you do it won't make the pain go away, it won't make my memories go away, it won't make my fear to trust anyone go away." Saying that I walk out of the door and towards the parking lot.

I remember Shale ordering me not to go anywhere without telling him but right now I don't care. I'll text him later.

Walking down the school road I repeat the incidents of that night in my head. Hearing Austen and the others, feeling stupid and hurt and then going to the woods. A tear rolls down my cheek and I wipe it off. What am I doing? I can't let some stupid guys ruin my career; I can't let them stop me from being whatever I want. I can't and I won't.

I walk back to school in time for the second period and spot Jon standing next to my locker. Seeing him I run towards him and he hugs me as soon as he spots me.